Acharya Center -Learn and Share Knowledge

Quotes

Quotes

  • Life is short, death is long.

  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

  • If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere.

  • It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

  • People would worry less about what others think of them if they only realised how seldom they do.

  • Expectations are for the unsure.

  • The best time to plant an oak tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is right now!

  • I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied.

  • The tip you leave now for lunch would have bought you one twenty years ago.

  • Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself.

  • The cruelest disappointment is when you let yourself down

  • Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless.

  • The past is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present.

  • If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

  • Give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for life.

  • Common sense is not that common.

  • Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest curfew.

  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

  • The fastest way to find something you've lost is to replace it.

  • How many cans can a canner can if a canner can can cans? A canner can can as many cans as a canner can if a canner can can cans.

  • Remember that failure is an event - not a person.

  • A man who is attracted by your mental appearance loves you more than a man who is attracted by your physical appearance.

  • Some people grumble because roses have thorns. Be thankful instead that thorns have roses.

  • Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end.

  • Fear grows from what we don't know, faith comes from what we do.

  • Every time a report comes about the dangers of second-hand cigarette smoke, he goes around blowing smoke in people's faces.

  • Don't marry for money - you can borrow it cheaper.

  • Nobody is perfect....I am Nobody!!!

  • Selflessness is the highest achievement

  • People are not in touch with reality, if they think they are important

  • Astronomers do it under the stars.

  • A good friend see the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.

  • You can win more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth!

  • Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.

  • You can turn dollars into cents, and sense into dollars, though not dollars into sense.

  • Hiccup teacup!

  • Six sick sea-serpents swam the seven seas.

  • Nine nimble noblemen nibbled nuts

  • Sex is the question, no is the answer.

  • Moose noshing much mush.

  • A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

  • Take a slow boat to china.

  • The big bad baby brought the bought black blanket back

  • Boredom sets into boring minds.

  • When you play with fire, you're gonna get burned.

  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

  • Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

  • A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

  • The idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

  • he got screwed (cheated).

  • We often see further through a tear, than through a telescope.

  • Sing like you know the words; dance like no one's watching; and love like it's never going to hurt.

  • I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

  • They just ran out of brains by the time you got there, so they gave you a nice wood carving instead.

  • If life deals you a lemon, make lemonade.

  • Having the right to do it, doesn't mean it is right to do it.

  • happy smoke (marijauna).

  • Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're getting.

  • Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right.

  • deep, dark jungle.

  • Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is essential to your own.

  • Astronomers do it variably.

  • You can't get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

  • easy come, easy go.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: Isaac Newton's birthday.

  • Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.

  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

  • Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out.Can you give me something to keep it in?Certainly - how about a paper bag?

  • An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

  • Don't eat the yellow snow.

  • Eleven benevolent elephants

  • Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.

  • Red lorry, yellow lorry

  • One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.

  • You cound'nt pull a pint, never mind a bird.

  • Astronauts do it above the atmosphere.

  • If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

  • Push yourself to the limit as often as possible

  • No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.

  • Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

  • Don't get good at doing something if you don't like doing it.

  • There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.

  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

  • Dust is a disk's worst enemy.

  • bought the farm.

  • Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  • Pray as if everything depended on GOD, Act as if everything depended on yourself!

  • Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water.

  • as interesting as two blind men having a conversation in sign language.

  • another cliche.

  • Success: its an never ending improvement in what you do.

  • My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

  • A talent is formed in stillness, a character in the world's torrent.

  • The beloved of the Almighty are the rich who have the humility of the poor, and the poor who have the magnanimity of the rich.

  • People will accept your idea more readily, if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

  • Your children know you love them by your presence, not your presents.

  • exact same (whatever) as you.

  • Christianity is not a crutch. It's a pair of wings.

  • give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.

  • Better late than never!

  • Willie's really weary.

  • Can't never could do anything. Till could came along and whipped Can't butt... now can't can do a lot.

  • Brad's big black bath brush broke.

  • You didn't get a brain that day either. They were only handing them out to people who would use them

  • I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

  • Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.

  • God didn't promise us it would be easy or painless; He just promised us it would be worth it!

  • Alice asks for axes.

  • It is not always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

  • Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you.

  • what are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants his bum back?

  • cady is dandy, but liquor is quicker, (Ogden Nash).

  • Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships.

  • Youth wastes away, but immaturity can last a lifetime.

  • You did touch me but didn't feel my pain. Jesus came and touched me and I don't feel the pain any more.

  • Well, that beats a jab in the eye with a sharp stick.

  • Only boring people get bored.

  • If Kantie can tie a tie and untie a tie,

  • No man ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.

  • la via esta duro, amigo.

  • To find the person you can truly trust, look no further than the nearest mirror.

  • Habit never goes Because if you remove H Abit remains, If you remove A Bit remains, If you remove B It still remains.

  • Remember, worth and value are not wrapped up in what you do.You are not a human doing.You are a human being.

  • Sign on a church bulletin board: Planning to go to Heaven? Get your flight training here.

  • Yellow leather, yellow feather, yellow lemon.

  • I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

  • Here comes twiddle dee and twiddle dum.

  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

  • Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.

  • A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

  • Inside every large problem there is a small problem struggling to get out.

  • You! - OFF my planet!

  • The sixth sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

  • Killing time murders opportunities.

  • Those who admire the freedom of birds have never built a nest.

  • Faults are thick when love is thin.

  • The willow knows what the storm does not; the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.

  • If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church.

  • If a tree fell in the forest and no one was around, would it make a sound?

  • If I can only be with you in my dreams, then I want to sleep forever.

  • She sees cheese.

  • It is good to be a Christian and you know it, but it is better to be a Christian and show it!

  • Sentences that begin with "all women" are never, never true.

  • Budgets help you worry before you spend money, as well as, afterward.

  • Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.

  • feeling bad is just a new sensation.

  • What's that got to do with the price of rice in China?

  • Space is a dangerous place...especially if it's between your ears!

  • I feel like a rat in a cage.

  • no pain, no gain.

  • If our gifts are not surrendered to God, we tend to beat people over the head with them.

  • Remember, don't put it off... Go ahead and do it... If you get to it... And don't do it... You may never get to it.. To do it... Again.

  • boob tube (TV).

  • The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

  • Laugh, Laugh, I thought I'd die.

  • I love being free, it's the best way to be.

  • Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.

  • Live your own life, for you will die your own death.

  • Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.

  • Are our oars oak?

  • Love the sinner but hate the sin.

  • With prayer as with other gifts from God, it is not what you get that counts, it's what you do with it.

  • hurry when you have time, then you'll have time when you are in a hurry.

  • Confucius Say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

  • Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

  • A status symbol is a symbol, not status.

  • Murphy's Law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

  • Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.

  • the waiting is the hardest part.

  • Confucius Say: Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.

  • Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promised note. Today is ready cash, use it!

  • Anger or hate can be a useful motivating force

  • If you can't control the wind, adjust your sail.

  • stand up and salute the red, white, and blue.

  • You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

  • Don't seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise: seek what they sought.

  • A weird thing about humans is we work till we're sick to get a fortune, then pay a fortune to get well again.

  • A luxury once enjoyed becomes a necessity.

  • A guilty conscience needs no accuser.

  • We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

  • Black Bugs Bleed Black Blood

  • You can't test courage cautiously.

  • I rather lose a second in my life, than my life in a second.

  • It was a gas!

  • He who can take no interest in what is small, will take false interest in what is great.

  • And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

  • Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a damn.

  • If your vision doesn't scare you, then both your vision and your God are too small.

  • God had promised salvation to your repentance, but he has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination.

  • We may not be what we want to be, but thank God we are not what we used to be.

  • It was all so different before everything changed.

  • those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

  • On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.

  • Learning is forging a head.Thinking is foraging a head.

  • Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you many never owe.

  • You don't have to blow out anothers candle to make yours shine bright.

  • What ails Alex? asks Alice.

  • A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.

  • A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

  • Reading the Bible without meditating on it is like trying to eat without swallowing.

  • Trying to squash a rumour is like trying to unring a bell.

  • 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

  • A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.

  • The truth won't be told by the few who know.

  • The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.

  • Astronomers do it with long tubes.

  • A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

  • wisdom is not truth.

  • Money talks.I'll not deny.I heard it once.It said good-bye.

  • There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering- and even more difficult.

  • He who slings mud looses ground.

  • I slit the sheet and the sheet slit me the slit in the sheet was slit by me

  • You never lose by loving, you only lose by holding back.

  • Don't be afraid of tomorrow, for God has already been there.

  • Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.

  • The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

  • A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.

  • Nervous as a shrew.

  • He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

  • Six twin screwed steel steam cruisers.

  • Preshrunk silk shirts

  • love hurts.

  • The sum of human knowledge is not contained in any one language.

  • A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

  • A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows.

  • Penny wise, pound foolish.

  • God doesn't call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them.

  • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

  • Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

  • Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.

  • If danger's a step away, safety's step away.

  • When they were giving out looks, you thought they said books, and you said "Give me something funny"

  • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.

  • There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it.

  • Six crisp snacks.

  • Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

  • A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.

  • Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

  • A good conscience is a soft pillow.

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  • I just want to turn on the light and have it work...I don't want to know where the electricity comes from.

  • shaken like a baby (scared).

  • Two tiny tigers take two taxis to town.

  • most people don't even know why they feel they have to work.

  • May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.

  • The safest way to cross life's streets is to hold hands.

  • A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

  • The best way to beat your enemy is to beat him at politeness.

  • You can't prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but can prevent them from building their nest on it.

  • Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

  • I love you 2 day, I love you 2 morrow, I love you 4 ever.

  • The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital.

  • The deepest waters make the least noise.

  • Bones; there are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident.

  • Pissed as a fart.

  • I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

  • Thieves seize skis.

  • Immature love: I love you because I need you.Mature love; I need you because I love you.

  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said sheds, and you said "I'd like a nice big wooden one"

  • Tie twine to three tree twigs.

  • Emotional responses ar as valuable as intellectual responses

  • Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits.

  • He heats the knives so his family won't use too much butter.

  • The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist.

  • Worry is the darkroom in which 'negatives' are developed.

  • Working for Alyeska is smoking a joint, the more you suck the higher you get.

  • I correctly recollect Rebecca MacGregor's reckoning.

  • When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't.

  • If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in.

  • Busier than a pig on ice.

  • Stride and strut goeth before a fall; tried and true goeth before a raise.

  • to be or not to be.

  • One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

  • Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail.

  • Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.

  • don't worry, be happy.

  • There are too many people praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed, when what they really need is courage to climb them.

  • Bacteria: the only culture some people have.

  • In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.

  • Give according to your income, lest God will make your income like your giving.

  • Blessed is he who doesn't show hatefulness over what is lost, but instead, shows gratefulness over what is left.

  • the road of life (and endless varitaions).

  • We don't want a thing because we have found a reason for it- we find a reason for it because we want it.

  • If you can't say something nice, become a reporter.

  • The last 7 words of a dying church: "We never did it like that before".

  • If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?

  • Which rich wicked witch wished the wicked wish?

  • Human things must be known to be loved: but Divine things must be loved to be known.

  • Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock: Please don't ring bell.

  • Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus.

  • Bad hands (sports cliche).

  • Hugs are not measured by quantity; they are measured by quality.

  • A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link.

  • battin' your eyes like a toadfrog in a hailstorm.

  • No one is responsible for all the things that happen to him, but he is responsible for the way he acts when they do happen.

  • Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and ...

  • Courage is not the absence of fear.Courage is the precence of fear with the capacity to manage and overcome it.

  • When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.

  • Sly Sam slurps Sally's soup.

  • Shredded Swiss chesse.

  • As long as you put in the work, you can own the dream. When the work stops, the dream disappears.

  • Rattle your bottles in Rollocks' van.

  • Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need do to lose weight is to take a bath.

  • yada, yada, yada.

  • Have to go like a rushing racehorse.

  • Tears will get you sympathy. Sweat will get you results.

  • If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

  • A Slice of Pie. i.e. piece of cake.

  • Cinnamon aluminum linoleum.

  • It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.

  • Some minds are like concrete... all mixed up and permanently set.

  • Calm is more conductive to creativity than is anxiety

  • All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.

  • The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

  • didn't even say hello, drop dead.

  • Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

  • The doctor is not able to operate the notable, because he has no table!

  • When you lie with dogs you get fleas.

  • Go all out in romance and let the chips fall where they may

  • Empty as your head.

  • Sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, ...

  • You never know where to look when eating a banana.

  • I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, and on that slitted sheet I sit.

  • that is the way you spell New York.

  • When all else fails, read the instructions.

  • You are getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

  • The more I know the more I know I don't know.

  • Women's faults are many, men have just two! Everything they say and everything they do!!!

  • Repentance is sorrow for the deed..not for getting caught.

  • Like trying to piss up a rope.

  • Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears.

  • You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire, once the flame begins to catch, the wind will blow it higher.

  • Real wristwatch straps.

  • take a hike (go away).

  • Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

  • Shape up or ship out!

  • Even your family can betray you

  • Learn from the past Live for today Look for tomorrow Take a nap this afternoon.

  • he/she wasn't worth it anyway.

  • Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrained from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

  • Tighter than Dick's hat band.

  • Treat anger like gold. Spend it wisely or not at all.

  • To be or not to be... I think its a trick question.

  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

  • Susan shineth shoes and socks; socks and shoes shines Susan.

  • there's no I in team.

  • When the rubber hits the road... (meaning: when it comes down to it).

  • I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.

  • eat my shorts.

  • Cheap sheep soup.

  • Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

  • A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

  • Examine what is said, not who speaks.

  • Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

  • If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.

  • Dogs have masters.Cats have staff.

  • My goose is cooked.

  • I can get more out of God by believing Him for one minute than by shouting at Him all night.

  • Second place is the first loser.

  • I am a poet and did not know it.I make a rhyme every time.

  • life is so short, I want to experience as much as possible.

  • Argyle Gargoyle

  • When confronted with a Goliath-sized problem, which way do you respond: "He's too big to hit" or like David, "He's to big to miss"?

  • A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

  • Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.

  • Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it.

  • I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now.

  • The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.

  • Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet.What shall I do?Well, for a start, don't point him at me.

  • If you decide not to choose then you've already made the wrong choice!

  • life sucks, and then you die...

  • There are three sides to any story, my side, his side and the truth.

  • Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

  • never place anything bigger in your ear than your elbow.

  • He was dead upfront with me.

  • Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, my desk has a workstation.

  • If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him!

  • It is not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it.

  • They are happiest who have power to gather wisdom from a flower.

  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

  • Confucius Say: War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

  • You could better start giving me mouth to mouth, because you just took my breath away!

  • A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  • As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind.

  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

  • We can admire what we see, but we can only love what we truly know.

  • When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did--in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

  • Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

  • He who buys what he does not need steals from himself.

  • managing an imaginary menagerie?

  • Those we hurt the most are often those we love the most.

  • when the work is done, I will have time for myself.

  • He who is not grateful for the good things he has would not be happy with what he wishes he had.

  • The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.

  • I am better off alone.

  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

  • A person can fail many times, but they are not really a failure until they start to blame someone else.

  • Astronomers do it in the dark.

  • At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

  • Wild horses couldn't keep me away.

  • What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant with twins.

  • That dog will hunt.

  • Been there, done that.

  • Six quick sneezes, six quick sneezes, six quick sneezes

  • The myth of Miss Muffet.

  • Poor planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part.

  • A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.

  • Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

  • Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out.

  • Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

  • We occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry on as if nothing happened.

  • One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment.

  • Keep your head and your heart in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet.

  • Telling the boss what a good worker you are is worth 1%..showing him is worth 96%.

  • No, my powers can only be used for good.

  • I'm so hungry I could eat a bear.

  • Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.

  • When we die we leave behind us all that we have and take with us all that we are.

  • there will come a day when all the work is finished or when it is too late to finish it.

  • A budget is something we go without to stay within.

  • Seen on the back of a biker's vest:If you can read this, my wife fell off.

  • There is no future in time travel.

  • Break a leg.

  • Talk is cheap, barbers give it away free with haircuts.

  • Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.

  • Was the saw I saw saw in Arkansas.

  • Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts.

  • If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.

  • We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

  • How about never? Is never good for you?

  • No man is a failure who has friends.

  • Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

  • I was born on a pirate ship - Hold your tounge while saying it.

  • it's not the heat, it's the humidity.

  • Be of use, but don't be used.

  • Nine nice night nymphs.

  • I understand that's Animal Magic is your favorite show because so many of your relatives are on it.

  • Lord, may others treat me tomorrow as I have treated them today.

  • Confucius Say: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

  • Make like the wind and blow out of here.

  • We are in danger of forgetting that we cannot do what God does, and that God will not do what we can do.

  • I'm all ears.

  • I'm a lawyer... "Honest?".. "No, the usual kind.".

  • Be beautiful if you can, wise if you want to... But be respected, that is essential.

  • May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.

  • In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

  • Ruth's red roof.

  • Some people reach the top of the ladder of success only to find it is leaning against the wrong wall.

  • Don't ever slam a door- you may want to go back.

  • Put your creed in your deed.

  • if the shoe fits, wear it.

  • Ink drys, paper burns, but what is written in the soul will last an eternity.

  • When they were giving out brains, you thought they said canes, and you said "I won't need one of those"

  • Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

  • Gus goes by Blue Goose bus.

  • hear me now, believe me later.

  • Confucius Say: Man who sit on tack get point!

  • Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.

  • Optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

  • A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.

  • Hating someone is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat.

  • A cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.

  • Hi-Tech Traveling Tractor Trailor Truck Tracker

  • Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

  • I don't take it personally. Every time you open your mouth you offend someone.

  • Monkey see, monkey do.

  • Too many Christians are no longer fishers of men but keepers of the aquarium.

  • Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails.

  • when in doubt, consult your inner child if it doesn't come naturally, leave it.

  • Good, better, best. Never rest Until good be better And better best.

  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.

  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

  • You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

  • There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met.

  • I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

  • Where will you be sitting in eternity--smoking or non-smoking?

  • Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.

  • Your barn door is open.

  • dead in the water.

  • Break a leg!

  • I don't know for sure, I'm guessing....

  • no problem, it's a cinch.

  • Go peddle your peppers elsewhere.

  • Silence is golden, and example is the best teacher, so is a silent example a golden teacher, ..... or is a silent teacher a golden example?

  • Golden Rule: Those who have the gold rule.

  • Fat people are harder to kidnap.

  • shooter's touch (basketball cliche).

  • bend a few stories or yarns (lie).

  • Some people attend church three times in their lives: when they're hatched, when they're matched, and when they're dispatched.

  • I have gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.

  • Abuse of power comes as no surprise

  • Allow me to introduce my selves.

  • A stand can be made against invasion of an army; no stand can be made against invasion of an idea.

  • You may pass violets looking for roses and contentment looking for victory.

  • When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.

  • The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an open one.

  • Didn't I dissect you in a biology class one time ?

  • women: can't live with them, pass the beer nuts.

  • When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write. ...

  • Astronomers do it universally.

  • The shutter's shut, the son did utter,

  • Spark plug car park.

  • Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

  • If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing!

  • When asking a question of someone your not sure of, only ask if you know half the answer.

  • He folds his newspaper so the guy next to him in the bus can only read half the newspaper.

  • How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?

  • Remove Serendipity from cliche list.

  • Local yokel jokes.

  • Notice: The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

  • Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master.

  • this is a process of eliminating options.

  • Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self importance.

  • Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

  • Heroes and winners aren't the same thing.

  • A rumor is as hard to unspread as butter.

  • Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see.

  • Astronomers do it with young stars.

  • going, going, gone.

  • Mostly you should mind your own business

  • Ulcers are caused not so much by what we eat as what's eating us.

  • A gentle word, like summer rain, may soothe some heart and banish pain. What joy or sadness often springs, from just the simple little things!

  • pass (i.e., Let's head them off at the pass).

  • The more things change, the more they stay the same.

  • Live each day as if it were your last, but learn from each day as if you will live forever.

  • The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

  • There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.

  • Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.

  • If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent!

  • It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord.

  • It's better to be naive than jaded

  • Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!

  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

  • Middle age starts when you have been warned to slow down, not by a motorcycle cop, but by your doctor.

  • Repentance is never something to be ashamed of.

  • If you want to be well liked never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.

  • Initiative is the ability to do the right thing.. efficiency is the ability to do the thing right.. effectiveness is doing the right things.

  • Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

  • Not our activity for Him but our captivity to Him!

  • To let a fool kiss you is stupid.To let a kiss fool you is worse.

  • (I'm all over that)...like a fly on shit.

  • One reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.

  • Quality is presence of value and not absence of mistake.

  • The quest for beauty is a quest for love.

  • Doesn't know his arse from his elbow.

  • Don't worry about it. I've never listened to a thing you've said since the day I met you.

  • She slits the sheet she sits on.

  • The ochre ogre ogled the poker.

  • I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.

  • Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood

  • Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean.

  • Observation: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

  • Live by what you trust, not by what you fear.

  • There are no passengers on spaceship Earth- we are all the crew.

  • Plenty of love, Tons of kisses, Hope some day, To be your Mrs.

  • so let it be written; so let it be done.

  • Politics is used for personal gain

  • Wishing things away is not effective

  • If your the last one to leave, turn out the lights.

  • The truth will set you free...but first, it will make you miserable.

  • all good things come to those that wait.

  • The cheapest gift I have to give is kindness, and it is the best.

  • Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for.

  • Intercessory prayer might be defined as loving our neighbour on our knees.

  • Very well, very well, very well ...

  • Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments.

  • You've reached middle age when the phone rings on Saturday night, you pray it isn't for you.

  • Nothing is worth thousands of deaths.

  • Seventy seven benevolent elephants

  • Drink wet cement and get really stoned.

  • Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.

  • One will never reach distant shores, if he chooses to remain upon the dock, In fear his little ship of dreams may be dashed against the rocks.

  • Do thick tinkers think?

  • Many people lose their tempers merely by seeing you keep yours.

  • Rich earn; smart learn.

  • Coins are made by mint of metal. Character is made by dint of mettle.

  • The Leith police dismisseth us.

  • hoked on fonix, itz ben good for me.

  • When all else fails....have another beer.

  • Temptation resisted is the true measure of character.

  • If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

  • It's a good thing God chose me before I was born, because he surely would not have afterwards.

  • Any car will last a lifetime - if you are careless enough.

  • As the sunshine shone on the side of the shot-silk sash shop.

  • The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math.

  • Some people just don't take advice, they have to hit their own head off the wall to believe it will hurt!!

  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

  • When someone says, "do you want my opinion"?- it's always a negative one.

  • The same sun that melts butter hardens clay.

  • A man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion.

  • People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could remember how much they wanted it.

  • What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.

  • What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

  • pandemonium reigns (or breaks out).

  • The greatest actions of love often got unnoticed.

  • Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names.

  • Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

  • The queen coined quick clipped quips.

  • Love is not about who you live with... It's about who you can't live without.

  • Marriage - is an expensive way of getting your laundry done for free.

  • Are you having a Blond day?

  • I stood sadly on the silver steps of Burgess's fish sauce shop, mimicking him hiccuping, and wildly welcoming him within.

  • A penny for your thoughts?

  • First come, first served.

  • Piss out the fire, call the dogs, and lets go home.

  • If two witches would watch two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

  • All the treasure in the world is worthless, unless you have someone to share it with.

  • Sinful Caesar sipped his snifter,

  • Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with experience.

  • A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed.

  • Seven Silly Swans Swam Silently Seaward

  • You can't train a horse with shouts, and expect it to obey a whisper.

  • Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

  • She stood on the balcony inexplicably mimicing him hiccupping, and amicably welcoming him home.

  • Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can shatter my soul.

  • He's like school in the summer ...No class.

  • There are some days I practice positive thinking.And other days I'm not positive, I am thinking.

  • I take the challenge.

  • I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.

  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said beds, and you said "I'd like something soft"

  • Time is relative... The mind makes it slow, the heart makes it fast, our friends make it worth while, and words... make it timeless.

  • it's better to find a whole worm in your apple than half a worm.

  • you're not just whistling Dixie!

  • I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

  • Salvation can't be bought and sold

  • Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.

  • Thoughts lead to acts.Acts lead to habits.Habits lead to character.And our character will determine our eternal destiny.

  • If a bare berry could carry berries?

  • It is far better to be alone, than to wish you were.

  • Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker.

  • To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.

  • X-Mas wrecks perplex and vex.

  • A lump of red leather, a red leather lump

  • Never confuse having a career with having a life.

  • Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for, because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.

  • How would you like to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?

  • being a grandfather doesn't bother me, but sleeping with a grandma certainly does.

  • He is not afraid of work, you can tell by the way he fights it.

  • Rebellion is the mother of wrong actions.

  • I only work to enjoy when I am not working.

  • He told his children Santa Claus is too old to get around any more.

  • I felt bad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

  • He/She must have learned to whisper in a sawmill!

  • Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one.

  • about as exciting as watching paint dry.

  • Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.

  • Which witch wished which wicked wish?

  • Mummies make money.

  • The memory of bad quality lasts longer than the shock of high prices.

  • Win one for the Gipper.

  • A tear shed can say more than a hundred words spoken.

  • DisAppointments are often His Appointments.

  • you can dress up a pig, but it'll still be a pig.

  • No man is too big to be kind...but many men are too little.

  • Freshly fried fresh flesh.

  • he jacked it out of the ballpark (homerun).

  • The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.

  • If the road you travel, has no obstacles, It leads nowhere.

  • Contentment is not to be found in having what you want, but rather wanting what you have.

  • there will be another one.

  • Getting to the top.

  • Wow, race winners really want red wine right away!

  • Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.

  • A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.

  • Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important.

  • Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.

  • Miss Smith lisps as she talks and lists as she walks.

  • There are two types of people in this world: those who leave a mark, and others who just leave a stain.

  • Where you're going is more important than where you stand.

  • My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.

  • secrets are secret.

  • Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

  • If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

  • When God takes measure of a man.I've often heard it said.He always measures 'round the heart.But never 'round the head.

  • Death is not totally extinguishing the light but turning off the lamp because the dawn has come.

  • Tacky tractor trailer trucks.

  • Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes off.

  • Confucius Say: He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

  • If it was a snake it would've bitten you.

  • I can not dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.

  • Money: a businessman earns it, an economist learns it, a banker turns it, a politician burns it, and a wise man spurns it.

  • Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald.

  • Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.

  • You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

  • If you set the example, you won't need to set many rules.

  • Red blood, green blood

  • It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.

  • Talking is used to hide one's inability to act

  • To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.

  • Your mother was a thief - she stole the stars in heaven and put´em into your eyes...

  • Sally sells sea shells by the seashore.

  • Clean clams crammed in clean cans.

  • Kris Kringle carefully crunched on candy canes.

  • A bird does not sing because it has an answer -- it sings because it has a song.

  • A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

  • If life were a novel, then dead would mark the end of the first chapter...

  • The zoo is a place for animals to study the behaviour of human beings.

  • A goal properly set is halfway reached.

  • Although they had no first aid class,Egyptians were not dummies.They knew the art of bandaging,They learned it from their Mummies.

  • If all else fails, read the directions.

  • win some, lose some.

  • Raise Ruth's red roof.

  • Confucius Say: Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

  • Don't stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.

  • Sharp as a wet corn flake.

  • Busier than a three legged cat in a dry sand box.

  • Astronomers do it cosmologically.

  • Hell has no fire escapes.

  • A pleasant place to place a plaice is a place where a plaice is pleased to be placed.

  • It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces.

  • Get up, your going to sleep your life away!

  • Better an end with pain, than pain with no end.

  • (S)he's got the face of an angel.

  • Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused.

  • Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

  • Real rear wheel

  • The attitude within is more important than the circumstances without.

  • To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best.

  • When they were handing out brains, you were the first in the queue, and held the door open for the rest of us.

  • It ain't rocket science.

  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

  • Don't listen to what I say; listen to what I mean.

  • Never let a problem become an excuse!

  • What sunshine is to flowers...smiles are to humanity.

  • Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

  • He who kneels before God can stand before anyone!

  • The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.

  • how many ways can you skin a cat?

  • hungry like a big dog (southern).

  • Nat the bat swat at Matt the gnat.

  • Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules.

  • When God closes a door He opens a window.

  • dance attendance on.

  • Confucius Say: Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.

  • I know your trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.

  • His face puckered up like he had eaten a lemon.

  • The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.

  • It can be helpful to keep going no matter what

  • Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.

  • A winner says, "There must be a better way to do it".A loser says, "This is the way it has always been done here".

  • Meandering to a different drummer.

  • Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.

  • Strong expressions create deep impressions.

  • If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey.

  • To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work is as impossible as it is to live without being born.

  • life is life.

  • Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

  • 668: The Neighbour of the Beast.

  • The trouble with man is two-fold; he cannot learn truths which are too complicated.. he forgets truths which are too simple.

  • People will believe most anything that is whispered to another.

  • Never stand between a dog and a tree.

  • The weakest Christians are those who know that they need to pray . . . and yet don't pray.

  • Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

  • Frogfeet, flippers, swimfins.

  • The seething seas ceaseth and twiceth the seething seas sufficeth us.

  • No shipshape ships shop stocks shop-soiled shirts.

  • Do I look like a people person?

  • fools rush in...

  • A poor person isn't he who has little, but he who needs a lot.

  • Still waters run deep.

  • Strange strategic statistics.

  • Give Mr. Snipa's wife's knife a swipe.

  • Lie like a rug.

  • A politician will stand for what he thinks people will fall for.

  • I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

  • The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

  • Silence is golden but shouting is fun.

  • we're not playing for sheep.

  • Deciding not to choose is still making a choice.

  • Top chopstick shops stock top chopsticks.

  • Do one thing at time, with supreme excellence.

  • When there's a will, there's a way..when there's a won't, there isn't.

  • truth is nothing but a feeling that something is true.

  • Ruby Rugby's brother bought and brought her back some rubber baby-buggy bumpers.

  • Two men looked out of prison bars. One saw mud and the other saw stars.

  • Do what you love and love what you're doing, and you'll never work another day in your life.

  • People want the front of the bus; back of the church and centre of attention.

  • She sees seas slapping shores.

  • Being cool, is not trying to be cool.

  • Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

  • You're in middle age when you realize you have more on your mind and less on your head.

  • Astronomers do it in X-ways.

  • A rose can say I Love You. . . orchids can enthrall. . . but a weed bouquet in a chubby fist. . . OH MY that says it all!

  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

  • life is hard.

  • Integrity is the cornerstone of trust.

  • Astronomers do it all night.

  • As a rule, Man's a fool. When it's hot, He wants it cool. And when it's cool, He wants it hot, Always wanting What is not.

  • Hoffer's law: When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another.

  • One half of the world will never understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in.

  • A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds.

  • Don't go away mad. Just go away.

  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

  • God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.

  • Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.

  • Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.

  • Astronomers do it telescopically.

  • Many people spend their health for wealth, and then try to spend their wealth for health.

  • Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organize by the Swiss.

  • A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more!

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

  • If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places.

  • Ah shucks, six stick shifts stuck shut!

  • Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.

  • life is a bitch; then you marry one.

  • Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.

  • In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life; it goes on.

  • Still water runs dirty and deep.

  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

  • weed (marijauna.

  • Let's sleep on it and talk about it in the morning.

  • Of course, there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off.

  • I eat eel while you peel eel

  • A goal without a plan is just a wish.

  • Learn to listen, opportunity often knocks softly.

  • Don't love the things you own, lest they own you.

  • Success is a ladder that can not be climbed with your hands in your pockets.

  • If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.

  • value added or add value.

  • nose around (snoop).

  • Sheena leads, Sheila needs.

  • Sign at a crematorium: Urn more. Pay less.

  • as sharp as a cafeteria meatball.

  • Our character is shaped as much by our failures as it is by our successes.

  • Sherman shops at cheap chop suey shops.

  • A smile is a fortune, but you can't sell it, you can't buy it and you can't steal it, but it isn't good to anyone until it is given away.

  • I'd rather be dead than red. (60's cliche).

  • A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.

  • I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed!

  • Deviants are sacrificed to increase group solidarity

  • The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it.

  • six of one, half a dozen of the other.

  • I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!

  • do as a I say, not as I do.

  • When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.

  • We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.

  • Who's to say what's right or wrong?

  • Observation: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

  • Don't spring on the inner-spring this spring or there will be an offspring next spring.

  • Love is not just gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction.

  • Absence is to love as wind is to fire, it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

  • A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

  • I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said Are you going to help? I said No, six should be enough.

  • Some people think holding on makes them strong, sometimes its letting go.

  • It is a poor workman who blames his tools.

  • Listen to the local yokel yodel.

  • making a bad decision is better then making no decision at all.

  • In your life you will love someone so much you could eat them, then you will get married and wish you had.

  • Useless as a screen door on a submarine.

  • We can't control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails.

  • When we learn all the answers, they change the questions.

  • One hand doesn't always know what the other is doing.

  • Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't; and a sense of humour to console him for what he is.

  • Stagecoach stops.

  • Who opened the cattleguard?

  • A sad Texan once prayed, "Lord, I wish you would make it rain - not so much for me, I've seen it - but for my 7-year-old.".

  • When you hear a kind word spoken about a friend, tell her so.

  • Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.

  • A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly.

  • If weak in prayer we are weak everywhere.

  • The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday.

  • To belittle is to be little.

  • An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

  • Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.

  • A good man is hard to find.

  • Worry pulls tomorrow's cloud over today's sunshine.

  • There is nothing wrong with people possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess people.

  • The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

  • A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.

  • Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on.

  • Absolute submission can be a form of freedom

  • Silly sheep weep and sleep.

  • Let's touch base on that subject sometime.

  • tomorrow is another day.

  • You were one of the first to get a brain, before they were perfected.

  • God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.

  • Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't take much to improve your lot.

  • We need a level playing field.

  • Success comes in cans, not can't s.

  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

  • Knowing is not enough; We must Apply. Willing is not enough; We must Do.

  • It is hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face.

  • We are, each of us, angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other.

  • Hold your horses!

  • You either have to be first, best, or different.

  • Six shining cities, six shining cities, six shining cities.

  • Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.

  • No matter where you go, there you are.

  • Church is the only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.

  • (I'm all over that)...like a duck on a junebug.

  • Why me? Why is it always me?

  • He's a few balloons short of a parade.

  • The woods are always empty if you're a poor hunter.

  • Life is too short to long for money.

  • Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

  • Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom.

  • Silence is wise if we are foolish, but foolish if we are wise.

  • The world is like a beehive: We all enter by the same door but we live in different cells.

  • If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart.

  • Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one.

  • Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.

  • A closed mind is a good thing to lose.

  • A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.

  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • They have all sorts of new services today. Now they've got a dial-a-prayer service for atheists. You call a number and nobody answers.

  • Life is like a ladder, the higher you climb, the more expansive your view is.

  • Decency is a relative thing

  • Astronomers do it in clusters.

  • A smile on your face can be felt on anothers heart.

  • What do Windows and a handgun have in common?Both are harmless while not loaded.

  • I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

  • Remember, pain is nature's way of reminding you who's in charge.

  • Been there... done that.

  • The greatest tragedy is when man gives up what he wants most for what he wants now!

  • You look familiar, did I see you in the zoo parade ?

  • it's comming like a freight train.

  • hair today - gone tomarrow.

  • You know it's love when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than dreams.

  • You can choose your friends and you can chose your enemies, but you can't chose family!

  • Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.

  • I think you may have seen me at the zoo, I was the one who was feeding you peanuts.

  • Just say charge it.

  • Astronomers do it with stars.

  • We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.

  • I need your help like a kangaroo needs a purse.

  • If someone is standing between you and God, guess who's closer to God.

  • There are many ears in the cornfield.

  • time is a cure.

  • Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!

  • must I live my days in these concrete ways.

  • When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

  • You can outdistance that which is running after you but not what is running inside you.

  • Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.

  • Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.

  • Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

  • She sifted thistles through her thistle-sifter.

  • A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

  • Show a little bit of your anger everyday instead of showing a lot of it on one day.

  • Astronomers do it on mountain tops.

  • A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go.

  • it would not be fun when life is so easy.

  • She sells sea shells by the seashore.

  • old coot.

  • A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.

  • it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

  • Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.

  • Observation: I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

  • The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease..sometimes it gets replaced.

  • To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.

  • I know Karate! ...and several other Japanese words.

  • Rolling red wagons

  • shooter's bounce(basketball cliche).

  • If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century.

  • hose job (cheated again).

  • It's better to be a good person than a famous person

  • We spent our whole youth to obtain wealth and our whole wealth to obtain youth.

  • When you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart.

  • Please pay promptly.

  • winning isn't every thing, it's the only thing.

  • Pride is something we have. Vanity is something others have.

  • Good Night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite.

  • If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.

  • I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.

  • Everyone leaves footprints in you memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the ones you will truely remember.

  • As much use as a yard of pump water.

  • What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.

  • Slow as molasses.

  • As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.

  • A person who can speak many languages is not necessarily more valuable than a person who can listen in one.

  • Do for others with no desire of returned favor. We all should plant some trees we'll never sit under.

  • Your morality can keep you out of jail, but only the Blood of Jesus Christ, can keep you of hell!

  • There is some consolation in the fact that even if your dreams haven't come true- neither have your nightmares.

  • Power works best in the hands of those who don't want it.

  • I think if I have a good breakfast I could go without food for the rest of the day. I think that until about lunchtime.

  • Six sticky sucker sticks.

  • Busy buzzing bumble bees.

  • Gertie's great-grandma grew aghast at Gertie's grammar.

  • No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm.

  • He'll cry over your wounds so he can get salt in them.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.

  • turn it around the horn (baseball cliche.

  • Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position!

  • Don't worry, be happy!!

  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

  • Astronomers do it with sextants.

  • Are you wrinkled with burden? Come onto Church for a FAITH LIFT!

  • Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

  • A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has.

  • if you can't stand the kitchen, get a real job.

  • Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation.

  • Some people are bitter, some sour, others are sweet. Who you hang out with depends on your taste.

  • Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

  • He is so bright his father calls him son.

  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

  • No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood.

  • He'll throw a drowning man both ends of a rope.

  • I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

  • For God is not against us because of our sin. He is with us; against our sin.

  • Confucius Say: Man who run in front of car get tired.

  • Wetter weather never weathered wetter weather better.

  • Tough times gets you real friends and others get you tough times.

  • Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.

  • A single event can have infinitely many interpretations

  • My love is like a cabbage, divided into two, The leaves I give to others but the heart I give to you.

  • What's the score?

  • Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is.

  • When you put somebody down, you have to be down there to hold him down. You could soar high otherwise.

  • God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself.

  • Mae: I've been asked to get married lots of times. Rae: Who asked you? Mae: Mom and Dad. Lots of times.

  • Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.

  • when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

  • War never decides who is right, only who is left.

  • To forgive calls upon our love-- to forget calls upon our strength.

  • Got one foot in the grave.

  • in for a penny, in for a pound.

  • Lord, make my words soft and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them.

  • The only way he can hear any good about himself is to talk to himself.

  • A careless word may kindle strife.A cruel word may wreck a life.A timely word may level stress.A loving word may heal and bless.

  • There are two types of pain in this life;that of discipline, which lasts a short while... and that of regret, which can last a life time.

  • Sometimes providences, like Hebrew letters, must be read backward.

  • Listening and hearing are two different senses.

  • Everyone wants to go to Heaven, yet no one wants to die.

  • A face without freckles is like a sky without stars.

  • Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.

  • She said she should sit!

  • Do bad and remember, do good and forget.

  • Cows graze in droves on grass that grows on grooves in groves.

  • A retired husband is a wife's full time job.

  • Treat people like angels; you will meet some and help make some.

  • A man who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones.

  • The soldiers shouldered shooters on their shoulders.

  • Church members are either pillars or caterpillars..the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just crawl in and out.

  • A relaxed man is not necessarily a better man

  • He's off his rocker.

  • You may only be one person in the world, but to one person you may be the world.

  • same time, same place.

  • Having someplace to go to is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing.

  • Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.

  • When there's nothing on TV, most people will watch it anyway.

  • Laugh all the way to the bank.

  • We crucify ourselves between two thieves- regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.

  • Do's and don'ts influence wills and won'ts.

  • A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.

  • People forget what you said.People forget what you did.But people never forget how you made them feel.

  • Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber .

  • when I was young I WALKED to school,... uphill,.... both ways.

  • The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

  • Astronomers do it with lenses.

  • Life is a roller coaster.You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it.

  • A friend to all is a friend to none.

  • He/she has one oar out of the water.

  • Astronomers do it hyperbolically.

  • Colder than a well diggers ass.

  • Six short slow shepherds.

  • You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with.

  • The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.

  • To light a candle is to cast a shadow.

  • We have not inherited the earth from our ancestors, we have only borrowed it from our children.

  • Three reasons to be a teacher- June, July, and August.

  • A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. (English Proverb.

  • Never seek the wind in the field. It is useless to try and find what is gone.

  • Give God what's right, not what's left!

  • You must have long range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short range failures.

  • Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.

  • Shoe section, shoe section, shoe section, ...

  • Bad planing on your part does not necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part.

  • If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat.

  • A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head.

  • Try fat flat flounders.

  • Vision is not seeing things as they are, but as they will be.

  • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

  • The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers.

  • I've got my eye on you.

  • Go my son, and shut the shutter.

  • Make My Day!

  • After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.

  • stick a fork in him, he's done.

  • it could be worse.

  • women: can't live with them, can't kill them.

  • The boot black bought the black boot back.

  • Rush the washing, Russel!

  • Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

  • Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

  • Theopholus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, successfully sifted some thistles.

  • She sells Swiss sweets.

  • God can mend a broken heart but he must have all the pieces.

  • He who hesitates is last.

  • In spite of the cost of living, it's still quite popular.

  • The only thing I like about the stones that come in my way is, once I pass across them, they automatically become my milestones!

  • Confucius Say: Grease monkey who go to bed without bathing wake up oily in the morning.

  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing.

  • Jesus accepts you the way you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way.

  • The batter with the butter is the batter that is better!

  • I'm serious; it was a joke.

  • Everything depends.

  • The Lord loves a cheerful giver. He also accepts from a grouch.

  • The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional.

  • Knock on wood.

  • every cloud has a silver lining.

  • It is taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything.

  • Irish wristwatch

  • Foot: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

  • no blood, no foul.

  • Fresh French fried fly fritters

  • People who value their privileges above their principles, soon lose both.

  • You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

  • When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

  • No happy time is really gone, if it leaves a special memory.

  • put the moves on ( a girl or guy).

  • We have stopped being fishers of men and we are now the keepers of the aquarium.

  • If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

  • The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. You cannot hate someone you don't care about.

  • We blame fate for other accidents, but we feel personally responsible when we make a hole in one.

  • God doesn't discriminate ... only religions do.

  • leading edge or cutting edge.

  • Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

  • God's will will not lead you where His grace cannot keep you.

  • A 'wish' changes nothing. A 'decision' changes everything!

  • By learning to obey, you will know how to command.

  • I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

  • If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn't be able to sit down for two weeks.

  • The mind can only stand what the butt can endure.

  • Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike.

  • A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.

  • I am not religious, I just love the Lord.

  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

  • He who kneels the most stands best.

  • The great lie of the news media: "I am the public".

  • Information is giving out.Communication is getting through.

  • Confucius Say: Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.

  • One hedgehog hedged up the hedge, whilst another hedge hog hedged down.

  • To truly hear you must quiet the mind.

  • Holy shit and shove me in it.

  • A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.

  • It's not what you say, it's the thought behind it that counts, and I know there's never any thought behind anything you say.

  • You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

  • how now, brown cow.

  • No God - No Peace.Know God - Know Peace.

  • Look before you leap.

  • If nobody knows the troubles you've seen, then you don't live in a small town.

  • The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.

  • Don't let anybody walk trough your mind with dirty feet.

  • Mommy made me eat my M&Ms.

  • Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this Bull before!

  • If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances.

  • Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

  • Time is like money: you can either spend, waste, or invest!

  • If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.

  • Television ruins more minds than drugs.

  • I've had an ear full.

  • We could accomplish a lot more if we'd get rid of our ifs and and's; and get off our butts.

  • Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

  • Little birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in my eye I didn't scream, I didn't cry, But I thanked the Lord cows can't fly!

  • If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

  • The opinion of the intelligent is better than the certainty of the ignorant.

  • Confucius Say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

  • Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

  • Your brain is that bodily organ which starts working the moment you awake and does not stop until you get into the office.

  • Every man dies; not every man really lives.

  • Swatch watch

  • Ignoring enemies is the best way to fight

  • The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.

  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

  • Well, I'll be John Brown! (southern cliche).

  • I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink.

  • Listen when your body talks

  • If you love something set it free....If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't than it was never meant to be.

  • Not worth the paper it's written on.

  • Kindness: a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak.

  • God puts some in places of leadership to shoulder responsibility, not to enjoy privileges.

  • If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.

  • Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

  • Get the hell out of Dodge.

  • 43% of all statistics are worthless.

  • Eat to your heart's content.

  • two's a company, three's a crowd.

  • I dialled one of those 900 numbers to get some financial advice. They advised me not to dial 900 numbers.

  • cheer up, it's not the end of the world.

  • A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.

  • Why is a blonde like a bowling ball? You finger her three times, you shag her down an alley and she always comes back for more.

  • What you do when you don't have to do it will determine what you are when it's too late to do anything about it!

  • Four free-flow pipes flow freely.

  • I could've bought that for a song and dance.

  • Pacific Lithograph.

  • The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it.

  • If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.

  • A signature always reveals a man's character... and sometimes even his name.

  • if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

  • my dogs are barking (meaning: my feet hurt).

  • Love: the only game that two can play and both can win.

  • Dance as if no one's watching, love as if it's never going to hurt.

  • Shelter for six sick scenic sightseers.

  • Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.

  • Why is a blonde like a tv? A child can turn her on.

  • Fran feeds fish fresh fish food.

  • If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times.

  • What some people mistake for the high cost of living, is really the cost of living high.

  • Men tell you the facts, but God will tell you the truth!

  • Sign at animal shelter, Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten.

  • Don't say" if I could, I would".Say instead "If I can, I will".

  • when god said brain he thought he said train, and took the next one out.

  • If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.

  • Back in the brown shoe days.

  • People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do.

  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  • early to bed, early to rise.

  • I used to cry for I had no shoes to wear until I saw a man with no feet.

  • If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?

  • It is amazing how many people want to live a long life, and yet so few want to grow old.

  • Crisp crust crackles.

  • Sexist sixties.

  • A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits

  • Knapsack strap.

  • What a dog I got. His favourite bone is in my arm!

  • Raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock.

  • How much ground could a grounghog grind if a groundhog could grind ground?

  • Truth is the most powerful force on earth because it cannot be changed.

  • Ideas are funny little things, they won't work unless you do.

  • Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

  • Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?

  • The heart has reasons which reason does not understand.

  • Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions, than salt water has on thirst.

  • You don't know what's what until you support yourself

  • Those with the best advice usually offer no advice.

  • The mind is like a parachute, it's no good unless it's open!

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research

  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

  • people make mistakes, we're human.

  • Every dog has his day.

  • There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.

  • You! - OUT of my fantasy!

  • Life is really a bed of roses, others are just lucky to have friends to help them pick the thorns off.

  • The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you.

  • Zithers slither slowly south.

  • Plain bun, plum bun, bun without plum.

  • that and $x can buy you y [where y is an item costing $x].

  • Green glass globes glow greenly.

  • Seth's sharp spacesuit shrank.

  • Sterilise: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

  • The is FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Repair).

  • Mrs Hunt had a country cut front in the front of her country cut pettycoat.

  • A wise man sees as much as he should, not as much as he can.

  • I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.

  • You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because your all the same.

  • Love, like paint, can make things beautiful when you spread it, but it simply dries up when you don't use it.

  • Like the pot calling the kettle black.

  • Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F?

  • A man who throws dirt loses ground.

  • Morals of an alley cat and scruples of a snake.

  • God will supply all your real needs.

  • The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl.

  • sink a shot ( basketball cliche ).

  • A red lead lump.

  • day - at the end of the day.

  • Three short sword sheaths.

  • Sympathy sees and says, "I'm sorry."Compassion sees and says, "I'll help.".

  • If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.

  • Time heals nothing, it merely re-arranges our memory.

  • Hotter than the hinges of hell.

  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

  • I can not and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.

  • It is a small world, but I wouldn't like to have to paint it.

  • Get back, Jack.

  • A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife!

  • Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic.

  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

  • A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

  • Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.

  • There are no substitutes for fresh air, sunshine and exercise.

  • Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

  • Don't let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance.

  • Nothing is as soft as water, yet who can withstand the raging flood?

  • Mallory's hourly salary.

  • A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

  • Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience.

  • The fickle finger of fate flips fat frogs flat.

  • A moment on the lips,an eternity on the hips.

  • If you follow in others footsteps you will never leave yours behind.

  • Flies fly but a fly flies.

  • Attend Church weekly NOT weakly.

  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?

  • He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.

  • God gives every bird its food but he doesn't throw it to its nest.

  • Love conquers all.

  • Have less. Do less. Be more.

  • You always find something in the last place you look.

  • Ten tame tadpoles tucked tightly together in a thin tall tin.

  • Dieting is wishful shrinking.

  • People do not plan to fail, they just fail to plan.

  • True power is when what you say is only the tip of the iceberg of what you really know.

  • Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

  • if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

  • I got your goose.

  • he can be saddled (as in controlled).

  • Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends.

  • No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

  • Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

  • A child will perform from their mind for their coach/teacher, but for a parent they perform from their heart.

  • Worrying can help you prepare

  • Why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie like Kantie can.

  • Duty over desire - may that inspire.

  • Your desk looks like an explosion in a paper factory.

  • Chocolate chip cookies in a copper coffee cup.

  • Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop.

  • The grass is always greener.

  • Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

  • Funny as a fart in church.

  • Don't know which way to turn.

  • If your ship doesn't come in, you have to row out to meet it.

  • Everywhere children are schooled to become masters at answering questions and to remain novices at asking them.

  • New friends are silver, old friends are gold. Always make new friends but don't forget the old.

  • When the going gets tough-The tough go fishing!

  • Jesus is the man God intended all humans to be.

  • Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations.

  • it's always darkest before the dawn.

  • If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

  • There is a technical meteorological term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called a "Monday.".

  • If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people.

  • Awful old Ollie oils oily autos.

  • The hare's ear heard ere the hare heeded.

  • The rich invest; the smart investigate.

  • Fred fed Ted bread, and Ted fed Fred bread.

  • The silence of one man can be louder than the screaming of 10 boys!

  • She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

  • Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

  • No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back.

  • Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.

  • The best of battles are won on our knees...

  • A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others.

  • If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, you are all right.

  • A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.

  • Screwed up as Hogan's Goat.

  • Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It's becoming the right person.

  • Men will spend their health getting wealth. Then, gladly pay all they have earned to get health back.

  • Hit the mute button on him/her.

  • An optimist believes we live in the best of all worlds.A pessimist fears this is true.

  • Close enough for government work.

  • waiter, there's a hair in my soup.

  • Integrity is when what you say, what you do, what you think, and who you are all come from the same place.

  • You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realised how seldom they do.

  • Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

  • Too much Sanity is madness, but the madest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be.

  • Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves.

  • One of the surest hindrances to the recovery of the sick is the centring of attention upon themselves.

  • Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants.

  • Time is a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

  • When they were giving out noses, you thought they said roses, and you said "Give me a big red one"

  • truth is relative.

  • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

  • Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

  • Can't get there from here.

  • It is not raining. The sky leaks.

  • got hosed (cheated).

  • Been there, done that and have the tee-shirt to prove it.

  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

  • Whoever follows a crowd will never be followed by a crowd.

  • When asked by his Boss why he only worked 4 days a week the enployee replied because I can't manage on 3 days a week.

  • Everyone hears what you say,Friends listen to what you say,Best friends listen to what you don't say.

  • Ideals are replaced by conventional goals at a certain age

  • Confucius Say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

  • Love is never having to say you're sorry.

  • There are three billion women who don't look like super models and ONLY eight who do.

  • bright lights, big city.

  • Imagination is intelligence having fun.

  • Don't get mad, get even!

  • A lump of red lead,

  • Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

  • Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.

  • Six slimy snails sailed silently.

  • No shit, sherlock.

  • Intet er saa daarligt, at det ikke er godt for noget !

  • Pooped purple pelicans.

  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

  • There's a sandwich on the sand which was sent by a sane witch.

  • Come kick six sticks quick.

  • I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

  • Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?

  • A real rare whale.

  • America. Love it or leave it.

  • I have faith in fools, my friends call it self-confidence.

  • A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

  • If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?

  • what goes around comes around.

  • You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day!

  • Smile! It increases your face value.

  • If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

  • Do whatever it takes to get the job done!

  • See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

  • Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.

  • Laugh till you cry.

  • Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.

  • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

  • A true friend walks in when the world walks out.

  • Dusty bibles lead to dirty lives.

  • The love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.Love isn't love till you give it away.

  • Love is not finding a perfect person, it is seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

  • If you don't love, you can't live; if you don't live, you can't love.

  • If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

  • Some people complain because the roses have thorns. Others give thanks because the thorns have roses.

  • A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.

  • Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy.

  • There was a little witch which switched from Chichester to Ipswich.

  • who cares about reasoning anyway.

  • Peter poked a poker at the piper, so the piper poked pepper at Peter.

  • True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

  • A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.

  • No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.

  • No matter how pretty she is , someone, somewhere is tired of her crap.

  • S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

  • In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart.

  • Sixish.

  • The gap between advice and help is very wide.

  • Will you, William?

  • An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. - Nolan's / Peter's Placebo.

  • Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

  • The sea ceaseth, but it sufficeth us

  • People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.

  • If you kicked him in his heart, you'd break your toe.

  • The world is a great big book, of which those who never travel read only one page.

  • Sometimes to be headstrong, is to be brain-weak.

  • The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters.

  • When they were giving out brains, you thought they said grains, and you said "Make mine oatmeal"

  • It shines like a diamond in a goats ass!

  • When signing a contract, it helps to remember "the big-type gives, and the small-type takes away".

  • Life is fragile ... handle with prayer.

  • Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

  • God answers knee-mail.

  • Ulcers are something you get from mountain climbing over molehills.

  • Eat your Cake and have it, too.

  • it'll put hair on your chest.

  • I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

  • One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

  • Can you top this?

  • Seized his knees and sneezed.

  • No one plans to fail but people can fail to plan.

  • May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you are dead.

  • A little knowledge can go a long way

  • There are three things extremely hard; steel, a diamond and to know ones self.

  • Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?

  • The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have lost.

  • The toes you step on today just might be connected to the ass you kiss tomorrow.

  • I'm not a fig plucker nor a fig plucker's son, but I'll pluck your fig's 'til the fig plucker comes.

  • Never fear shadows... they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby.

  • It is hard to read a cartoon aloud.

  • People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.

  • A wife is a person who can look in the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's handkerchief that isn't there.

  • Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark.

  • Sex differences are here to stay

  • If you can't be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped.

  • when it rains, it pours.

  • Be careful of the words you say.And keep them soft and sweet. For you never know from day to day.Which ones you'll have to eat.

  • lay on, Macduff.

  • Don't be angry at a friend who told your secret, for neither could you keep it to yourself.

  • Prayer does not cause faith to work, faith causes prayer to work.

  • Astronomers do it spectroscopically.

  • As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without.

  • Get out of my life. (go away).

  • A man can't know what it is to be a mother

  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm not one to judge.

  • The people who holler "All power to the people!" want power to be handed to the people who holler "All power to the people!".

  • The collapse of character begins with compromise.

  • If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over.

  • I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.

  • good, bad or indifferent.

  • A judge is a law student who marks their own examination papers.

  • I don't need your attitude I have one of my own.

  • These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue

  • You don't get old, you just become a classic.

  • It is never easy being a mother.If it were easy, fathers would do it.

  • It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

  • A king's castle is his home.

  • those are the breaks ( dems da breaks).

  • Money is nice, yet nice is worth more.

  • Life just gives you time & space; it's up to you to fill it.

  • The queen in green screamed.

  • As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup.

  • Don't pamper damp scamp tramps that camp under ramp lamps.

  • An elephant was asphyxiated in the asphalt.

  • Lost your marbles.

  • Lonely lowland llamas are ladylike.

  • An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.

  • He/she can screw up a two car funeral.

  • Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

  • darker than the inside of a cow.

  • Alcohol preserves everything but not dignity.

  • People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

  • I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.

  • run with the hare, hunt with the hounds.

  • If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

  • There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it with reluctance.

  • Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

  • You! - OFF my cloud!

  • Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of.

  • How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?

  • If colored caterpillars could change their colors constantly could they keep their colored coat colored properly?

  • No shark shares swordfish steak.

  • Ambition is just as dangerous as complacency

  • Pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure will ruin you

  • Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

  • Great minds ... discuss ideas. Average minds ... discuss events. Small minds ... discuss people.

  • So what's the speed of dark?

  • A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots.

  • Hotter than a nun's bug.

  • What do people in China call their good quality plates?

  • Flee from fog to fight flu fast!

  • Two ways to do it. The wrong way and my way.

  • Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it?

  • Most jobs are marginally better than daytime TV.

  • Great men may die, but there ideas won't.

  • he has the hops ( jumping ability ).

  • If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

  • If you think you're getting too much government these days, just be happy that you're not getting all you are paying for.

  • It is not that we don't know the right answers, it is just that we don't ask the right questions.

  • unwept, unhonored and unsung.

  • A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.

  • An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer.

  • Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a "carrier".

  • Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.

  • Never trouble about trouble until trouble troubles you!

  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.

  • A sinning man will stop praying. A praying man will stop sinning.

  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

  • Do you have pigeon poop in your ears?

  • Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings.

  • Here's your hat, what's your hurry.

  • She sells seashells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashore seashells.

  • Lesser leather never weathered lesser wetter weather.

  • Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.

  • The soldier's shoulder surely hurts!

  • Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door.

  • 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.

  • Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.

  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

  • Manual labor can be refreshing and wholesome

  • Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

  • The definition of luck is when opportunity meets preparation.

  • You can't expect people to be something they're not

  • Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

  • You only have one chance to make a first impression.

  • Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan.

  • Your attitude is the librarian of your past, the speaker of your present, and the prophet of your future!

  • getting soaked (as in cheated).

  • The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the best of everything that comes along their way.

  • How many yaks could a yak pack pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?

  • Love makes a house a home.

  • Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.

  • I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity.

  • Faith is not believing that God can, but that God will!

  • When you forgive it takes you from the place of the victim to that of a victor.

  • There are no hopeless situations -- only people who are hopeless about them.

  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

  • so let it be written--so let it be done.

  • A heavy burden does not kill on the day it is carried.

  • Great gray goats

  • A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

  • The best bridge between hope and despair is often a good night's sleep.

  • A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.

  • Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.

  • Dying and coming back gives you considerable perspective

  • Fake or real indifference is a powerful personal weapon

  • between the sword and the wall (Spanish).

  • Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them.

  • Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it.

  • May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces.

  • He's anybody's dog that will hunt with him.

  • make like a banana and split (go away).

  • Good blood, bad blood.

  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

  • the bigger they come, the harder they fall.

  • Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining.

  • A proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot.

  • We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

  • When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

  • You made your bed, now sleep in it.

  • When I'm right no-one remembers, when I'm wrong no-one forgets.

  • Kiss her quick, kiss her quicker, kiss her quickest!

  • Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

  • How much dew would a dew drop drop, if a dew drop did drop dew?

  • Respect cannot be learned, purchased or acquired- it can only be earned.

  • Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what to expect.

  • Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.

  • It's good to give extra money to charity

  • Some people hate waking up and getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it three or four times a day.

  • Find yourself in a hole.

  • We treat this world of ours as though we had a spare in the trunk.

  • To have truck to truck two trucks of truck.

  • False Frank fled Flo Friday.

  • Always buy good shoes, and a good bed. Because if you aren't in one, you're in the other.

  • I just got lost in thought. . . . It was unfamiliar territory.

  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

  • hook, line and sinker.

  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

  • Why does Wendy's have square hamburgers?

  • Artificial desires are despoiling the earth

  • Time is of the essence.

  • It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.

  • My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am.

  • The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle.

  • Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone. That makes life fair.

  • women: can't live with them, can't live without them.

  • Diplomacy -- the art of letting someone have your own way.

  • Hospitality is making your guests feel at home -- even when you wish they were.

  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  • National Sheepshire Sheep Association

  • Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment.

  • A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

  • Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.

  • That's the way the cookie crumbles.

  • You owe the world not the other way around

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • Do you have potatoes growing in your ears?

  • Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these is: "It might have been".

  • If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse.

  • Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

  • A friend in need is a pest.

  • here, there and everywhere.

  • What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

  • The ex-egg examiner.

  • The horn of plenty is usually the one behind you in traffic!

  • Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one.

  • All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do.

  • That's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine.

  • damned if you do, damned if you don't.

  • Overheard during a particular long sermon, "If we give him the money now, Mommy, will he let us go?".

  • Consumers are statistics, customers are people.

  • No one ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things.

  • Four furious friends fought for the phone.

  • Ambivalence can ruin your life

  • I plead contemporary insanity.

  • How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?

  • I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

  • He takes sparrows, dips them in peroxide, and sells them as canaries.

  • Confucius Say: Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!

  • A hard thing about business is minding your own.

  • If it took a nickel to get around the world, I couldn't get past the front door.

  • The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

  • and this above all, to thine own self be true.

  • idiot box (TV).

  • I have changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.

  • Faith makes all things possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work.

  • The quality of expectations determines the quality of our action.

  • The optimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a blessing." The pessimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a mess.".

  • Kanta is a masai girl, she can tie a tie and untie a tie, if kanta can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie?

  • Cuando hay hambre, no hay pan duro!

  • He/She can eat cookies/crackers in my bed.

  • Life is hard, no one makes it out alive.

  • Some have the wisdom of old age and the energy of youth. Most have the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

  • A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart.

  • Lord grant me the courage to do the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  • Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

  • I have worn out more tool pouches than you have sox.

  • Trust but verify.

  • The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

  • Guests and fish start to stink after two days.

  • If I said you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?

  • A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.

  • At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

  • She is an expert housekeeper: every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

  • Intelligence is like underwear, everyone has it but you don't have to show it off.

  • A drop of ink may make a million think.

  • Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!

  • We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

  • The U.S. twin-screw cruiser.

  • Old hippies never die, they just surrender to society.

  • Love is the only fire hot enough to melt the iron obstinacy of a creature's will.

  • He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

  • Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.

  • Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one.

  • A big black bug bit a big black bear and the big black bear bled blood

  • God loves us not because of who we are, but because of who He is.

  • People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church.

  • God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest.

  • I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today.

  • Selfish shellfish.

  • T-shirt: My heart belongs to Daddy. . .and so do my credit cards!

  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

  • God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way.

  • Round the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran.

  • Karl Marx's Mother: If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.

  • God gave us time so that everything wouldn't happen all at once.

  • Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.

  • When the devil starts messing, God starts blessing.

  • Forgiveness is the best remedy for any injury.

  • If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

  • Out like a Light.

  • The only way to be free is to limit yourself.

  • He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.

  • Tim, the thin twin tinsmith.

  • If you judge people, you will have no time to love them.

  • A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

  • Wisdom has two parts: 1) Having a lot to say. 2) Not saying it.

  • Many an anemone sees an enemy anemone.

  • Confucius Say: It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

  • it wasn't the caughing that carried him off, it was the coffin they carried him off in.

  • Potential counts for nothing until it's realized

  • Colder than a witches toe.

  • I wish to wish, I dream to dream, I try to try, and I live to live, and I'd die to die, and I cry to cry but I dont know why.

  • A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the sky.Phychotic is the man who lives in it.And a psychiatrist collects the rent.

  • A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

  • Easy as shooting fish in a barrel.

  • Forget yourself when with others and others will not forget you.

  • Fat frogs flying past fast.

  • Show me some guts!

  • Confucius Say: Don't eat the snow where the huskies go!

  • Elevator is stuck between floors.

  • America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans.

  • He who angers you controls you!

  • Patience is the silken cord on which are strung the pearls of virtue.

  • So unpleasant he/she can piss off the Pope saying good morning.

  • Tragedy strategy.

  • when you ASSUME, it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

  • Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards

  • A hard man is good to find.

  • A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.

  • Everything is possible; just not too probable.

  • You may be born with a silver spoon in your mouth, but you need gold-hearted people to make your life more tasty.

  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

  • The greatest fool of all is the man who fools himself.

  • Action causes more trouble than thought

  • Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls.

  • What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.

  • Treat your friends as you do your pictures, place them in their best light.

  • Put a fork in me, I'm done.

  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

  • Victory begins with the name of Jesus on our lips, but it will not be consummated until the nature of Jesus is in our hearts.

  • life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.

  • Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  • The business of preaching is to comfort the disturbed and to disturb the comfortable.

  • It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy.

  • Sharp as a basketball.

  • A smile is a curve that sets things straight.

  • Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.

  • A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

  • If we are walking in joy, we are trusting God.

  • An elite is inevitable

  • Ken Dodd's dad's dog 's dead.

  • All mothers are working mothers.

  • how do you like them apples?

  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

  • Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair.

  • A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

  • Astronomers do it with Uranus.

  • If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck...

  • One thing you can give and still keep, is your word.

  • Time wounds all heels.

  • life is a series of disappointments, followed by death.

  • A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.

  • Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.

  • The world was not given to us by our parents, it was lent to us by our children!

  • Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

  • I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.

  • Source: None

  • The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

  • A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.

  • One brick short of a load (reference to being stupid).

  • Telling the truth and making someone cry is just as bad as telling a lie and making someone smile!

  • Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bid child.

  • SNAFU (situation normal, all fucked up).

  • Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

  • An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't teach them how to make a life.

  • if you expect to soar with the eagles during the day, you can't hoot with the owls at night.

  • Cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

  • On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

  • Twice we tripped toys.

  • With money I can buy things; with thinking I can understand things.

  • A person's character and their garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing season.

  • If life were easy, then it would be boring.

  • Today's beautiful moments are tomorrow's beautiful memories.

  • How much oil boil can a gum boil boil if a gum boil can boil oil?

  • Wisdom whispers - foolishness shouts.

  • What is sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander.

  • Marital problems? You don't need a new wife, you need a new life!

  • There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

  • Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

  • I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

  • If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.

  • if ifs and buts where candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.

  • May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between.

  • Don't just get something out of church, put something into it.

  • Two to two to Toulouse?

  • America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.

  • Does this shop sport short socks with spots?

  • shot at and missed, hit on and hit.

  • I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

  • I know UNIX, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, and nineteen other high-tech words.

  • Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.

  • I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion.

  • Write injuries in the sand, kindnesses in marble.

  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

  • Mix, Miss Mix!

  • Happier than a pig in shit.

  • If we preach what we live....We don't ever have to worry about practicing what we preach!

  • Norse myths.

  • Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

  • Change is valuable when the oppressed become tyrants

  • see you later, alligator.

  • If you want breakfast in bed, then start sleeping in the kitchen.

  • When they were giving out faces, you thought they said cases, and you said "I'd like one made of leather"

  • Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.

  • Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

  • It ain't broke. Don't fix it.

  • The desire of love is to give. The desire of lust is to get.

  • Give peace a chance.

  • Behaviour is a mirror in which everyone shows his image.

  • laughter is the best medicine.

  • Sometimes I know that there is intelligent life on other planets because they haven't tried to contact us.

  • Full head of steam.

  • I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.

  • Language is the dress of thought.

  • If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

  • Valuable valley villas.

  • Oh Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I'm talking about.

  • The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.

  • No Jesus - No Love.Know Jesus - Know Love.

  • Confucius Say: Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

  • Some succeed because they are destined to. But most succeed because they are determined to.

  • Six shimmering sharks sharply striking shins.

  • A candle brightens the world around it. Unfortunately, it creates a shadow of its own. It still serves the purpose it is meant for.

  • Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

  • Two tried and true tridents

  • A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks, even if your teeth are crooked.

  • A big bug bit a bold bald bear and the bold bald bear bled blood badly.

  • Note on a door: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner also.

  • If I assist a sister-assistant, will the sister's sister-assistant assist me?

  • Rex wrecks wet rocks.

  • you're young, you'll get over it.

  • All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organization to live beyond its income.

  • Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night.".

  • Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.

  • A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

  • I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not.

  • After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  • You will never be promoted until you become over-qualified for your present position.

  • Those who do not plan for the future have to live through it anyway.

  • nothing great, nothing gross.

  • Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

  • God is God, and I'm not.

  • Love sees no colour.

  • You got your brain first when they were handing them out in alphabetical order, A for "Aardvark"

  • Win with humility; lose with grace.

  • You can't help the poor man by destroying the rich.

  • No answer is also an answer.

  • If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

  • Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself.

  • I don't understand Christianity, nor do I understand electricity, but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do!

  • No matter what you want to do, there's always something else that has to be done first.

  • Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, measure it by how many times you get your breath taken away.

  • LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.

  • Leave loved ones always with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

  • Which Eternity do you prefer? Smoking or Non-Smoking.

  • What do you call male ballerinas?

  • Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.

  • While men talk of killing time, slowly time kills men.

  • You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.

  • The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

  • Plan ahead: It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark!

  • Black background, brown background.

  • There is no future in spending the present worrying about the past.

  • Grace is the divine ability to cope with every circumstance.

  • If success attend me, grant me humility; If failure, resignation to Thy will.

  • You look familiar too, have I ever seen you hanging by the tail from the tree in my garden ?

  • Who says nothing is impossible, I have been doing nothing for years.

  • Funny thing about humility. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it.

  • What we see is mainly what we look for.

  • Who me? I just wander from room to room.

  • Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

  • That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you that has the webbed feet.

  • Whatever you do, or dream, begin it now.. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

  • A woman to her son did utter,

  • Nothing seems impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

  • A lot of professionals are crackpots

  • The mind of a poet begins with an H and ends with a T, listening with an EAR in between.

  • You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

  • A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.

  • The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.

  • Literally literary.

  • The new is nothing but a restatement of the old

  • chasing geese.

  • Little differences - like a letter in a word - make all the difference in the world.

  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

  • Well they can't carry berries

  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

  • Greek grapes.

  • Passion: there are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those.

  • Faster than a speeding crawfish.

  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

  • You would be late for your own funeral.

  • when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

  • The best way to have the last word is to apologize.

  • My parents worked hard to give us everything money could not buy.

  • God has a thousand ways, Where I can see not one; When all my means have reached their end, Then His have just begun.

  • If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

  • Deader than 4 O'Clock.

  • Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life.

  • A camel is a horse designed by a committee.

  • Borrow money from pessimists.They don't expect it back.

  • Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

  • A positive attitude means all the difference in the world

  • Others may argue your beliefs, but they can't refuse your love.

  • that's enough to piss off the good humor man!

  • Twelve standard stainless steel twin screw cruisers.

  • My worst day of vacation has always been better than my best day at work.

  • I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

  • It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

  • Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines

  • Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

  • Here comes Mutt and Jeff.

  • If we don't control our money, it will control us.

  • Three blondes walked into a bar. You'd think that one of them would have seen it.

  • Pirates Private Property

  • A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.

  • Beam me up Scotty!

  • Money is like unspreadable butter, you try and spread it but it all lumps together at one end of the bread.

  • Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

  • I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

  • The fellow who has no money is poor; the fellow who has nothing but money is poorer still.

  • Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

  • We're all here 'cause we're not all there.

  • Don't kill the dream - execute it!

  • Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt.

  • After all is said and done, more is said than done.

  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  • Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

  • An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.

  • Children are the hope of the future

  • Really leery, rarely Larry.

  • Red leather! Yellow leather!

  • wacky tobaccy (marijauna).

  • Roland road in a Rolls Royce.

  • The measure of a man is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves.

  • Zero is sometimes better than nothing.

  • When the fertiliser hits the windmall (i.e., when the shit hits the fan).

  • Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.

  • hasn't got a pot to piss in (nor a window to throw it out).

  • A knapsack strap.

  • A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

  • Be good or be good at it!

  • A full boat. (referring to a full house in poker).

  • Sister Susie sewing shirts for soldiers.

  • Communication by empathy is a talent that few possess.

  • I am on a thirty day diet.So far, I have lost 15 days.

  • Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true.

  • Astronomers do it in nebulae.

  • Plague-bearing prairie dogs.

  • Methods are many,Principles are few.Methods change often,Principles never do.

  • Just believing something can make it happen

  • Ha, ha, that was a thigh slapper!

  • Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

  • Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

  • The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.

  • she goes through money like a fart through a pair of jeans.

  • Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

  • If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm.

  • The last place he lived in, he campaigned for dry law, got it passed and then moved away.

  • Sure the ship's shipshape, sir.

  • What veteran ventriloquist whistles.

  • Who is the boss around here anyway?

  • like father, like son.

  • A black bloke's back brake-block broke.

  • Lots of people would love working for him - if they were graver diggers.

  • Your temper is the only thing you can lose and still have.

  • Happiness is a path, not a destination.

  • Your smile lights up a room like a candle in the dark. I can still hear the song of your laughter.

  • Hard work has future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

  • Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

  • Fear is the greatest incapacitator

  • We all get heavier as we get older because there is a lot more information in our heads.

  • Why do people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older ... they were cramming for their finals!

  • Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell.

  • in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

  • What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls the beginning.

  • rattling 'round like a pea in a jam jar.

  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

  • Reputation is made in a moment: character is built in a lifetime.

  • The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot.

  • You only live once; but if you do it right, once is enough.

  • God, give me courage to do what I can,humility to admit what I can't, and wisdom to know the difference.

  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

  • Thin sticks, thick bricks

  • Friends are like puzzle pieces. If one goes away, that special piece can never be replaced and that puzzle will never be whole again.

  • He was on that like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.

  • If you haven't all the things that you want, be thankful for all the things that you don't have that you didn't want.

  • Make your life a mission, not an intermission.

  • shit happens.

  • Praying is hard; living without it is harder.

  • It is always the ones who talk loudest who do the least.

  • God gives us faces; we create our own expressions.

  • Relationships can be boring - not people!

  • you get nothing for free.

  • Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side? He's all right now.

  • Doing a thing wrong for a long period of time gives it the superficial appearance of being right.

  • A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once.

  • We don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

  • How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.

  • People who think they're out of this world always make you wish they were.

  • The lesson is what you read in the fine print. The experience is what you get when you don't.

  • It ain't over until the fat lady sings.

  • Larry sent the latter a letter later.

  • Most people want to serve God -- but only in an advisory capacity.

  • I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

  • Handy Guide to Modern Science: 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

  • Do all you should, not all you could.

  • A big black bear sat on a big black bug.

  • Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store.

  • cat's pajamas (same meaning as cat's ass).

  • Drop a dime on you!

  • rally 'round the flag.

  • She ceased shining shoes and socks, for shoes and socks shock Susan.

  • The seething sea ceaseth; thus the seething sea sufficeth us.

  • Knowing what to say is not always necessary; just the presence of a caring friend can make a world of difference.

  • Dollars to Doughnuts.

  • One with God is a majority.

  • Anyone who has time to look for a 4- leaf clover needs to find one.

  • you can't win 'em all.

  • Six thick thistle sticks.

  • Astronomers do it in voids.

  • Digital Wisdom: Affirm brain on-line before opening mouth.com.

  • signed, sealed and delivered.

  • With perseverance you can discover any truth

  • Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

  • A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it.

  • Is ignorance or apathy the biggest problem with the world today? "I don't know and I don't care".

  • Your face is very becoming. I'm becoming more and more ugly every time I see it.

  • Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

  • While we were walking, we were watching window washers wash Washington's Windows with warm washing water.

  • A giving church is a living church.

  • We judge others by their actions; we judge ourselves by our intentions.

  • A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

  • The difference between a rebel and a patriot is wether who is in power.

  • better a chip on by shoulder than one at your feet.

  • looks like she was hit in the head with a bag of nickles.

  • Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

  • Lisa laughed listlessly.

  • Am I indecisive? Can I get back to you on that?

  • It is not 'seeing' the light that impacts one's life; it is never 'ceasing' to see the light that impresses one's life, spirit, heart and soul.

  • America is the only country in the world where the poor have a parking problem.

  • Lost ball in high weeds.

  • Which witch watched which watch?

  • The contented person is never poor.The discontented is never rich.

  • Incontinence Hot line...Can you hold please.

  • A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

  • He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail.

  • The fellow who is fired with enthusiasm for his work is seldom fired by his boss.

  • Nick knits Nixon's knickers.

  • When your outgo exceeds your income your upkeep will be your downfall.

  • Is a pleasant peasant's pheasant present?

  • Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut.

  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?

  • He stuck to me like a fart in a phone booth.

  • go ugly early; don't wait for closing time.

  • If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.

  • Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.

  • Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

  • When an old man dies, a library burns down.

  • The only man who is a bigger fool than the one who knows it all is the one who will argue with him.

  • If your head wasn't screwed on you'd lose that too.

  • You can bomb the world into pieces, you can't bomb te world into peace.....

  • out of sight, out of mind.

  • Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong.

  • Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut.

  • Going with the flow is soothing but risky

  • There is an “exception to every rule” - and most people think they are it.

  • Much mashed mushrooms.

  • He who sees the calamity of other people finds his own calamity light.

  • There are three secrets to success: The first is "Keep your eyes and ears open." The second is "Don't tell everything you know.".

  • You can't fool others if you're fooling yourself

  • My house was clean last week.Sorry you missed it.

  • People never say, "It's only a game", when they're winning.

  • A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

  • Yanking yellow yo-yos.

  • Sarah saw a shot-silk sash shop full of shot-silk sashes

  • Cuthbert's cufflinks.

  • All sunshine makes a desert.

  • Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it!

  • A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.

  • With wealth you can live in comfort.With drive you can make a comfortable living.With peace of mind, you can be comfortable in living.

  • A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.

  • Even a broken watch is correct twice a day.

  • If you give 100%, God will make up the difference!

  • Extraordinary: it is the "extra" that make us more than ordinary.

  • it will be worse.

  • A good example is the best sermon.

  • Why may we melee, when we may waylay?

  • Red Buick, blue Buick

  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

  • Ike ships ice chips in ice chips ships.

  • People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot !

  • A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

  • Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either.

  • You don't become a missionary by crossing the sea but by seeing the cross.

  • The quack quit asking quick questions.

  • A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating.

  • I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  • If this is living, I'd rather be dead.

  • Archeologist: someone whose carrier lies in ruins.

  • A more expensive tennis racket will not make you a better player.

  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

  • A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them.

  • give space to time, and time will fill space.

  • Materialism is buying things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people who don't matter.

  • When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.

  • To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know.

  • Justice always prevails....three times out of seven.

  • Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.

  • Wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers!

  • Seven days without prayer makes one weak.

  • The sun, reflecting upon the mud of strands and shores, is unpolluted in his beam.

  • The love of parents for their child is measured by the length they will go to compete with the world for the love of that child.

  • While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.

  • Betty better butter Brad's bread.

  • This is a zither.

  • Another day, another dollar!

  • fun is good.

  • You don't look at a picture of a Chevy when you drive a Cadillac.

  • Everyone needs to be loved . . . especially when they do not deserve it.

  • There are three dimensions to credit cards, length, width and debt.

  • Save time ... see it my way.

  • Here comes the Bobsy Twins.

  • Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

  • midnight is where the day begins.

  • Keenly cleaning copper kettles.

  • for love of country.

  • The Pen is mightier than the sword.

  • I was born at night, but not last night.

  • Act in haste, repent at leisure.

  • I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains.

  • practice 'till it becomes second nature to you.

  • It takes all kinds.

  • What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.

  • A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.

  • I always thought looking back on the times I cried would make me laugh; but I never knew looking back on the times I laughed would make me cry.

  • Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

  • Synonym cinnamon.

  • You can't build character & courage by taking away men's initiative & independence.

  • Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.

  • It's always the wrong time of the month.

  • He who stands for nothing, falls for anything.

  • has the cat got your tongue?

  • When your on your death bed you'd give anything for one more tick of the clock.

  • Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.

  • Enough ants can eat an elephant.

  • Higgledy-Piggedly!

  • it is a good experience, it makes me stronger.

  • It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose.

  • I would help you out but I did not see where you came in.

  • God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.

  • Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them.

  • Your thoughts can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.

  • Good hands (sports cliche).

  • What really matters is what happens in us- not to us.

  • Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.

  • I cannot shut it any shutter.

  • All of us are God's creatures... just some are more creature than others.

  • Character is what a person is in the dark.

  • Do you think I'm made of money?

  • There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.

  • Astronomers do it ellyptically.

  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..

  • You will never "win" an argument concerning religion.

  • Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.

  • The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

  • Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.

  • Two brothers were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit.".

  • Philosophy can not be attained from text on a page... it comes from with the soul.

  • Vacation is what you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer.

  • If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.

  • Fit to be tied.

  • Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

  • A bloke's bike back brake block broke.

  • The one who makes it, sells it. The one who buys it, never uses it. The one that uses it, never knows that he's using it. What is it?A coffin.

  • If you have time to worry, you have time to pray.

  • Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.

  • I used to want to pack as much as I could into my life, but now I realize it's more about quality of life than quantity.

  • What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient.

  • we have (there are?) bigger fish to fry.

  • Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

  • Since I have smashed my denominational glasses, I have a better vision of who Christ is.

  • Every achievement requires a sacrifice

  • in a 'round about way.

  • You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

  • He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

  • A wise person escapes temptation and leaves no forwarding address.

  • You can survive on charm for about 5 minutes...after that, you'd better know something!

  • Man's way leads to a hopeless end! Gods way leads to an endless hope!

  • Did Dick Pickens prick his pinkie pickling cheap cling peaches in an inch of Pinch or framing his famed French finch photos?

  • You can send a message around the world in 1/7 of a second; yet it may take several years to move a simple idea through a 1/4 inch of human skull.

  • There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

  • Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it.

  • The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.

  • what's new?

  • Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these people?

  • A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.

  • X-ray checks clear chests.

  • Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.

  • Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fries, and a diet coke.

  • But you did get a brain that day. The problem is that you should have asked for one to go.

  • I don't give a rat's ass.

  • You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.

  • The wonder of a single snowflake outweighs the wisdom of a million meteorologists.

  • Three twigs twined tightly.

  • Character is made by what you stand for; reputation, by what you fall for.

  • Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.

  • He started hating me, cause I couldn't laugh at his jokes. I just started finding it impossible to laugh at his jokes the way I used to.

  • There are two ways to be contented: one is liking what you do, and the other is doing what you like.

  • You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.

  • You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

  • Love has reasons that reason knows nothing of.

  • Patience is a mild form of dispair disguised as a virtue.

  • Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

  • The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid the tempting situation.

  • Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.

  • A nurse anesthetist unearthed a nest.

  • You don't have to say anything. You offend me just by being in the area.

  • A cupcake cook in a cupcake cook's cap cooks cupcakes.

  • Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

  • Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

  • If we'd confess our sins to one another we'd all laugh at the lack of originality.

  • The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.

  • Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

  • A religion that is small enough for us to understand would not be large enough for our needs.

  • Elizabeth's birthday is on the third Thursday of this month.

  • There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle.

  • A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.

  • a hole big enough to drive a truck through (football).

  • A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.

  • Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.

  • He who has a thing to sell and goes and whispers in a well is not as apt to get the dollars as he who climbs a tree and hollers.

  • The sum of your actions determines what you are

  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

  • If you love what you do you'll never work another day in your life.

  • The only limitations to God are in our mind.

  • The Iron Rule: Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves.

  • saddled with work (or some other burden).

  • There is so much bad in the best of us and so much good in the worst of us that it doesn't behoove any of us to talk about the rest of us.

  • Out damn spot!

  • Six shy shavers sheared six shy sheep.

  • Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond.

  • Don't bother trying to teach a pig to sing; you only waste your time and annoy the pig.

  • If wishes were horses the beggers would ride.

  • You should not confuse your career with your life.

  • Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

  • A single reason why you can do something is worth 100 reasons why you can't.

  • keep it simple, stupid.

  • Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are nice, but because you are.

  • Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.

  • Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it.

  • The key to happiness is not fixing your problems but changing your attitude towards your problems.

  • If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be discarded.

  • If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you can't change it, accept it.

  • How many moose might a mini-mouse move if a mini-mouse might move moose?

  • The fuzzy bee buzzed the buzzy busy beehive.

  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.

  • A dozen dim ding-dongs.

  • Selfish sharks sell shut shellfish.

  • Often, the only way to comfort the suffering is to understand that you can't understand and just be there.

  • Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life.

  • What does that have to do with the price of eggs?

  • Inch by inch life's a cinch.Yard by yard life is hard.

  • If wealth is lost nothing is lost.If health is lost something is lostIf character/reputation is lost everything is lost.

  • Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.

  • Friendly Frank flips fine flapjacks.

  • Don't work for recognition, but do work worthy of recognition.

  • Without risk there is no opportunity for gain.

  • Love's a feeling you feel when you feel you're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.

  • Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going.

  • Take care of your character and your reputation will take care of itself.

  • Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up.

  • A good school is a community where children learn to live first and foremost as children and not as future adults.

  • (to describe a well-proportioned woman) like two tomcats in a gunny sack.

  • A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

  • up the river.

  • You are young only once, but you can be immature all your life.

  • a cheshire-cat smile.

  • There those thousand thinkers were thinking where did those other three thieves go through.

  • Richard's wretched ratchet wrench.

  • At times inactivity is preferable to mindless functioning

  • You could not warm up to him if you were cremated together.

  • it keeps me from the street.

  • To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.

  • Real rock wall, real rock wall, real rock wall

  • A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one.

  • There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminum pan.

  • Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and no one was there.

  • He'd steal a dead fly from a blind spider.

  • Most accidents happen at home - maybe we should move.

  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

  • Black bug's blood

  • An open mind does not always require an open mouth.

  • A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol.

  • Old oily Ollie oils old oily autos.

  • old coaches never die, they just lose their balls.

  • You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.

  • Observation: A carelessly planned project will take three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.

  • lions and tigers and bears, oh my.

  • Respect is mutual, if you don't respect others viewpoints, chances are they won't acknowledge yours.

  • Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.

  • Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take chances.

  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

  • If wishes were horses than beggars could ride.

  • Freckle-faced Freddie fidgets.

  • The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.

  • Most of our suspicions of others are aroused by our knowledge of ourselves.

  • The empty can rattles the most.

  • A PBS mind in an MTV world.

  • People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.

  • Girl gargoyle, guy gargoyle.

  • Poverty within is as dangerous as poverty without.

  • Six sharp smart sharks.

  • True love is not based on what you have, but it is based on who you really are.

  • We see things not as they are, but as we are.

  • The only routine with me is no routine at all.

  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?

  • Here's to you and here's to me and may we never disagree, but if we do I'll still love you.

  • I can feel it in my guts!

  • If innocence can leave guilt can come.

  • Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.

  • Nothing you could say could offend me. I only get offended by things that make sense.

  • You don't marry someone you can live with; you marry the person with whom you cannot live without.

  • Keifing off (goofing off).

  • Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't.

  • Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before..

  • Be ye fishers of men, you catch them -- He will clean them.

  • Lord, be merciful, shut me up when my life speaks so much louder than my words.

  • Girls who wear glasses seldom get passes (Ogden Nash).

  • My aim is that when my hands will work no longer, that the works of my hands will still continue to keep on working.

  • America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

  • An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.But . . . an onion a day keeps everyone away.

  • If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener...it must be all the fertiliser they are using!

  • Life is like a movie..How good you do depends on your critics.

  • The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.

  • Zizzi's zippy zipper zips.

  • crazier than a crap house rat.

  • There are too many mediocre things to deal with.Love shouldn't be one of them.

  • Where's the beef?

  • A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

  • All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down.

  • A rose by any other name is still a rose.

  • Copy from one its plagiarism. Copy from two its research.

  • playin poker with the pros (he's dead).

  • I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

  • Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed.

  • got a frog in your throat?

  • serenity now!

  • Switch watch, wrist watch.

  • Life is an echo. What you send out - you get back. What you give - you get.

  • Life itself cannot give you joy unless you really will it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you to fill it.

  • The two-twenty-two train tore through the tunnel.

  • you can decide your own life, dont worry about others.

  • An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry.

  • there's more than one way to kill a cat than choking it with butter.

  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

  • Are you trying to live through me?

  • at least it was a very interesting experience.

  • The world is composed of givers and takers..the takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.

  • Blue bugs blood.

  • Don't ask what your community can do for you. Ask what you can do for your community.

  • The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a train.

  • If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed.

  • Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet.

  • He threw three free throws.

  • The insane create worlds, the sane live in them... the sane create cages, the insane live in them.

  • Your problem is never really your problem, your reaction to your problem is your problem.

  • Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

  • If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere.

  • The longer the title the less important the job.

  • God never said it would be easy .... He just said He would go with me.

  • All things are delicately interconnected

  • No hands (sports cliche).

  • I´ll teach you the international language...

  • The older I get, the older old is.

  • right on!

  • Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am!

  • I'll show him/her how the cow eats corn.

  • Money comes and goes, but people last for a lifetime.

  • A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it.

  • that's all she wrote!

  • Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

  • It is not what's right about war, it's about what's left.

  • I'll chew and chew until my jaws drop.

  • A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.".

  • What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

  • talk 'till your blue in the face.

  • Kill the ump!

  • She/he would a rock pile if she thought there was a snake in it.

  • When this van's a-rockin, don't come a-knockin.

  • he/she will be sorry.

  • To think too long about doing a thing, often becomes its undoing.

  • That's like being nibbled to death by ducks.

  • Traveler there is no trail you blaze the trail as you travel.

  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  • Under the mother otter, muttered the other otter.

  • Mosquitoes are a great moral force; it forces mankind to wear more clothes that modesty.

  • there is harmony in disharmony.

  • Jesus did not come to make God's love possible, but to make God's love visible.

  • A fat-free fruit float.

  • If the wind stops, row!

  • Suffering well borne is better than suffering removed.

  • There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.

  • As I said before, I never repeat myself.

  • Life is mostly froth and bubble;Two things stand like stone:Kindness in another's trouble,Courage in our own.

  • It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

  • You may not be able to turn back the clock; but you can always wind it up again.

  • Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path.

  • Are you living for the things you are praying for?

  • The longer you wait, the better the date.

  • I wouldn't piss down your throat if your lungs were on fire.

  • The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.

  • I've seen better arms on a rocking chair. (refering to someone throwing an object like a baseball).

  • Lazy ness is the only luxury that not even a millionaire can afford.

  • If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

  • Double bubble gum, bubbles double.

  • A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!

  • A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when they is counting their blessings.

  • Don't count the days, make the days count.

  • Truly rural.

  • If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you probably never will.

  • The crow flew over the river with a lump of raw liver. .

  • quit while you're ahead.

  • today is the first day of the rest of your life.

  • As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

  • Sometimes God doesn't tell us His plan because we wouldn't believe it anyway.

  • not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!

  • Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.

  • Disorganization is a kind of anesthesia

  • Vision that looks inward becomes duty. Vision that looks outward becomes aspiration. Vision that looks upward becomes faith.

  • She sits in her slip and sips Schlitz.

  • If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty.

  • Friends forever; never apart, maybe by distance, but not by heart.

  • Church is the only place I know, where I can arrive late and get the best seats in the house!

  • receive a black eye over this.

  • A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched beach and does not send a card.

  • Better a good heart than a fair face.

  • Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.

  • love comes around while doing things you like.

  • We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

  • There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it.

  • His teeth are brighter than he is.

  • To cool a hot attitude, apply nice. To melt a cold attitude, address warmly.

  • at wits' end.

  • Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind.

  • Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.

  • A twofold national problem is how to preserve the wilderness in the country and get rid of the jungle in the cities.

  • I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch.

  • Thelma sings the theme song.

  • You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat. Now give to us, O saving Lord, the bread of life to eat.

  • Yellow lorry, blue lorry.

  • Wives often object to life insurance, widows never do.

  • To live your life to the fullest, you've got to be a master of economics...after all, time's demand is always far exceeding it's supply.

  • Love is the unity of two hearts beating together as one.

  • Fools rush in - and get all the best seats.

  • A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office.

  • Open your mind to God's wisdom, open your soul to God's peace, open your heart to God's love and all three will stay with you forever.

  • A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner, so if one's life is cold and bare he can blame none but himself.

  • People pick bad things from bad company very quickly but good company takes a good time to gift good things to them.

  • The shortest books: 1) A guide to arab democracies2) Everything men know about women3) The Amish phonebook.

  • In every organization there will be one person who knows what is going on....This person must be fired.

  • A big black bug bit a big black bear and made the big black bear bleed blood.

  • If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

  • June sheep sleep soundly.

  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

  • People forget how fast you did a job- but they remember how well you did it.

  • The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it.

  • Trust is like money; you spend it, you save it, you lend it, and sometimes you get robbed.

  • Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge, while some others only gargle.

  • Politics: Poly.

  • The cold absolute truth is much more preferred than a kind and uncertain lie.

  • Wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.

  • The heart that loves is always young.

  • Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came. I Saw. I Did a Little Shopping.

  • If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

  • If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

  • We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.

  • For the child of God, death is when the earth recedes and heaven opens up.

  • Mrs. Smith's Fish Sauce Shop.

  • God loves you right where you are but he doesn't want to leave you there.

  • I wouldn't get angry at you today. It's "Be kind to Animals" week.

  • A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand.

  • When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there.

  • Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter ""T"".

  • How much wood can a woodchuck chuck?

  • Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!

  • That which you cannot give away, you don't possess; it possesses you.

  • cat got your tongue?

  • Why is a blonde like a mosquito? She starts sucking, you keep slapping her away and she comes back for more.

  • This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

  • Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

  • Ere her ear hears her err, here ears err here.

  • Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines.

  • On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

  • More doors are opened with "please" than with keys.

  • I had dreams and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams.

  • Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realising you were the prisoner!

  • A pack of pesky pixies.

  • Love God more than you fear hell.

  • Ability is what you're capable of doing...Motivation determines what you do...Attitude determines how well you do it.

  • The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.

  • How come abbreviated is such a long word?

  • No Witnesses, No Regrets.

  • there are lies, damned lies and statistics.

  • All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.

  • What is the difference between a Peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath?One is rude and nosy, and the other's nude and rosy.

  • I shot three shy thrushes.

  • life's not so bad, when you consider the alternative.

  • Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

  • Will it be cash or charge?

  • The most profound things are inexpressible

  • once bitten, twice shy.

  • I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

  • Freshly-fried flying fish.

  • if today was a fish, I'd throw it back in the river.

  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

  • Where God guides, He provides.

  • History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up.

  • When they were handing out brains you arrived too late, all you got was a rain check.

  • Go ahead, just tear my heart right out of my chest.

  • Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

  • can't a cat look at a queen?

  • she's quite a ONE !

  • Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.

  • Get the hell out and take your friend with you!

  • Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop.

  • The Chinese word for "crisis" contains two characters. One of them means "opportunity".

  • He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.

  • Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

  • Observation: The user does not know what he wants until he sees what he gets.

  • Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

  • I would if I could! But I can't, so I won't!

  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

  • liar, liar, pants on fire.

  • We surely shall see the sun shine soon.

  • First things first! But not necessarily in that order.

  • While we were walking, we were watching window washers

  • he who laughs last, laughs loudest (or, he who laughs last, last laughs).

  • if given a shaft, make a car.

  • Bake big batches of bitter brown bread.

  • The person who says he trusts no one should include himself.

  • Fools look to tomorrow, wise men use tonight.

  • Big Ben blew big blue bubbles.

  • The bank of friendship cannot exist for long without deposits.

  • Useless as a piss hole in the snow.

  • If wishes were horses, all beggars would ride.

  • What time does the wristwatch strap shop shut?

  • One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

  • A mother's work is never done.

  • Three free throws.

  • My Dad used to say always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

  • finer than frogs hair, split three ways.

  • If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

  • There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.

  • A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

  • Success is a journey not a destination.

  • If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.

  • The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.

  • Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

  • Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't.

  • A person lives, to be loved.A person loves, to have lived.

  • A woman's greatest power is her vulnerability.

  • Astronomers do it orbitally.

  • The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

  • l'etat, c'est moi.

  • If you can't beat 'em, join'em.

  • Wish in one hand, crap in the other, and you'll never be empty-handed.

  • A missing mixture measure.

  • Paul, please pause for proper applause.

  • life is not hard, it only needs some positive thinking.

  • Life is so much simpler when you tell the truth.

  • To every complex problem there is an easy answer; and it is wrong!

  • I don't know your from adam's house cat!

  • All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner.

  • Love is blind.Marriage is the eye-opener.

  • the world goes to shit when I don't do this first.

  • This is the sixth zebra snoozing thoroughly.

  • Aspire to inspire before you expire.

  • No man ever repented on his deathbed of being a Christian.

  • Achilles' heel.

  • We've got to give 110%.

  • Never go to bed with anyone crazier than you.

  • Sweet sagacious Sally Sanders said she sure saw seven segregated seaplanes sailing swiftly southward Saturday.

  • If you your lips would keep from slips,Five things observe with care: Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,And how and when and where.

  • True happiness may be sought, thought, or caught -- but never bought.

  • A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup.".

  • She had shoulder surgery.

  • Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says...I'll try again tommorrow.

  • All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.

  • The pessimist complains about the direction of the wind, the optimist expects the direction to change, but the leader simply adjusts the sails!

  • you and who's army?

  • does ten pounds of dough make a big biscuit?

  • I need your help like I need a migrane.

  • life is messy.

  • If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilisation.

  • Your actions speak so loud that I can't hear what you're saying.

  • The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

  • For people who like peace and quiet: a phone less cord.

  • In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.

  • He who laughs last thinks slowest!

  • I know you know what I think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

  • smooth moves, Exlax ( a good put down for a buddy).

  • To accomplish something, the first person you have to defeat is yourself.

  • slow as shit through a tin horn.

  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

  • que sera, sera.

  • Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.

  • Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

  • I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

  • Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.

  • You bet!

  • better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you're a fool...

  • Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to re-train.

  • Don't count your eggs before they've hatched.

  • Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

  • There is a pill for every ill, and a bill for every pill.

  • Best friends don't ask you: "Is something wrong?"Best friends ask you: "Whats wrong?".

  • Outer agitation reveals inner instability.

  • The secret of happiness is to admire without desire.

  • Class structure is as artificial as plastic

  • You better think about the future, for it's where you will spend the rest of your life.

  • Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

  • To love is to risk getting hurt. Not to risk loving is the greatest risk of all.

  • It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

  • Goals are dreams with deadlines.

  • Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.

  • If you have the desire, you are halfway there.

  • Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before.

  • Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everybody believes he or she got the biggest piece.

  • No matter what happens Today. You must remember that...Today will be Tomorrow's past, and Tomorrow will be Today.

  • I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.

  • if you lie down with dogs, you rise up with fleas.

  • An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.

  • Youth is when we are always hunting greener pastures, and middle age is when we can barely mow the one we've got.

  • Catch a can canner canning a can as he does the cancan, amd you've caught a can-canning can-canning can canner!

  • Life is like an onion. You peel it off layer by layer and sometimes you cry.

  • A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?".

  • A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!

  • Who got it, did get it; and who left it, did regret it.

  • The next time the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

  • What flowers grow between your nose and your chin? .... Tulips.

  • Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons -- Balancing them badly.

  • Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

  • A solid home base builds a sense of self

  • Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship, and find out you still care for that person.

  • Big doesn't necessarily mean better..sunflowers aren't better than violets.

  • Your neighbour is the man who needs you.

  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  • For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

  • he put me in stitches (made me laugh).

  • Shut the door. Were you born in a barn?

  • Faith is not faith until it's all you're holding on to.

  • Astronomers do it with mirrors.

  • If you still have the courage after loosing all , you can be rest assured that you have not lost everything.

  • When you aim for perfection you discover it is a moving target.

  • winning isn't the only thing, it's everything.

  • Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

  • there are plenty more fish in the sea.

  • You have to protect the privacy of the advice you get, or you'll never get the advice you need.

  • His motto is 'A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH', but expects yours to have gold in it.

  • When Washington's washer woman went west?

  • Enough money to burn a wet dog.

  • I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

  • A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own.

  • You! - OUT of my dream!

  • A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.

  • I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'

  • A good heart is hard to find.

  • I'm glad I bumped into you today.

  • There is only one real failure in life that is possible, and that is not to be true to the best we know.

  • Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

  • When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them.

  • Don't tick him off or he'll bite your head off.

  • You can't legislate morality.

  • She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?

  • Charity begins at home. Success begins at work.

  • Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic?

  • A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it start to rain.

  • There are three ways to obtain wealth: inheritance, luck, and hard work. None is guaranteed, but you have no influence over the first two.

  • The biggest man you ever did see once was a baby.

  • Dedication is not what others expect of you; it is what you can give to others.

  • That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal facility.

  • Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo.

  • Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than look back.

  • You look familiar too, but that's not surprising, I collect bugs for a hobby.

  • Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired.

  • If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there.

  • A man who lives in a glass house should change in basement.

  • Artichokes are like humans: you have to go through so much to get to the heart.

  • Flirtation...Attention without intention.

  • Don't rock the boat.

  • every rose has its thorn.

  • Born twice, die once. Born once, die twice.

  • It never rains, it pours.

  • If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise.

  • All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday.

  • Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it is something you carry in you heart.

  • Six slippery snails, slid slowly seaward.

  • get lost (go away).

  • I close my eyes in order to see.

  • A wise person has something to say, a fool has to say something.

  • Good taste is boundless, while bad taste knows no bounds.

  • The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a dog sled team. No one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

  • Wherever you are - be all there.

  • He that lets the small things bind him, leaves the great undone behind him.

  • There is truth in humor, but not humor in truth.

  • Few free fruit flies fly from flames.

  • Your child has started growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and starts refusing to tell you where he's going.

  • Give a man a fish and he won't starve for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he won't starve for his entire life.

  • There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!

  • Need some time to be alone, try washing the dishes!

  • There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money.

  • Smile.... it makes others wonder what you're thinking.

  • That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.

  • Gale's great glass globe glows green.

  • Hell has no exits.Heaven needs none.

  • no problem, it's a done deal.

  • We shouldn't deny the pain of what happens in our lives. We should just refuse to focus only on the valleys.

  • Astronomers do it parabolically.

  • So many people will walk in and out of your life, but those who leave foot prints are true friends.

  • Two toads, totally tired.

  • A sense of timing is the mark of genius

  • keep your eyes glued to the T.V.

  • eighty sixed (as in 86'd from a bar).

  • Failure is opportunity in disguise.

  • The world would run a lot smoother if more men knew how to dance.

  • when the cat's away, the mice will play.

  • Alienation produces eccentrics or revolutionaries

  • The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

  • I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the government spends 7.

  • What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds."

  • God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

  • Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion.

  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

  • you look like somebody shot at and missed, shit at and hit.

  • Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!

  • Cultivate money and you grow rich. Cultivate mind and you raise culture.

  • I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.

  • tastes like chicken.

  • I once saw this sign on a diner wall: "I have an agreement with the bank: they don't fry hamburgers, and I don't cash checks.".

  • Treat people as if they were what they should be, and you help them become what they are capable of becoming.

  • Life is like a game of tennis; the player who serves well seldom loses.

  • Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

  • Astronomers do it meteorically.

  • In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.

  • Skier; one who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.

  • When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.

  • It's cold, but it's a dry cold!

  • A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever.

  • You can never understand the true value of something until you don't have it anymore.

  • Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes.

  • He's suffering from hardening of the hearteries.

  • A turbot's not a burbot, for a turbot's a butt, but a burbot's not.

  • When something terrible happens people wake up

  • A person is as big as the things that make him angry.

  • We have to take one game at a time.

  • How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

  • Lord give me an answer, or give me the patience to wait for one, just do it now please!

  • When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

  • Hold your wagon!

  • Little Mike left his bike like Tike at Spike's.

  • How do you know there's a blonde secretary working in an office? The boss is always smiling.

  • Wally Winkle wriggles his white, wrinkled wig.

  • Go jump in the lake!

  • Jack the jailbird jacked a jeep.

  • May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper.

  • Some people take too much of vitamin "I".

  • Ed had edited it.

  • Peggy Bobcock's mummy.

  • When the going still gets tough, the tough, pray.

  • A day late and a dollar short!

  • Knowing yourself lets you understand others

  • America, the melting pot of the world.

  • The way to make the cold winter go fast is to sign a note in October that becomes due in six months.

  • Bake big batches of brown blueberry bread.

  • And which dwarf are you?

  • How do you start your days? Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning.

  • The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.

  • It is not the relation which is important, but the relationship that is important!

  • I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

  • We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance.

  • A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".

  • Don't learn the tricks of the trade, learn the trade.

  • The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.

  • Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible.

  • The older the violin, the sweeter the music.

  • Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

  • Heat it up!

  • The trouble with work is - it's so daily.

  • I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

  • The foundation of relationships is based on the premise of mutual purpose.

  • Drama often obscures the real issues

  • The church is looking for better methods. God is looking for better men.

  • Fear doesn't overwhelm you; you let fear overwhelm you.

  • Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.

  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

  • A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

  • Unique New York.

  • Don't be so Heavenly minded that you do no earthly good.

  • A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.

  • The meaning of life is not a question to be answered, but an event to be experienced.

  • The sawingest saw I ever saw saw

  • Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven!

  • A truth spoken before its time is dangerous.

  • Knife and a fork bottle and a cork

  • Bad black bran bread.

  • The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.

  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

  • A woman never shot a man while he was doing dishes.

  • I'm old enough to know better but I'm still to young to care.

  • My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied, "Whatever my Mom tells him to.".

  • Judicial system.

  • Lovely lemon liniment.

  • so far, so good.

  • If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

  • be at peace with yourself (shut-up).

  • Women: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

  • The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.

  • Which wristwatch is a Swiss wristwatch?

  • He got his parents a fifty-piece dinner set for their Golden Anniversary a box of toothpicks.

  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

  • there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

  • The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it.

  • When they were giving out noses, you thought they said hoses, and you said "I don't mind if mine drips a little bit"

  • If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.

  • Autopsy is a dying practice.

  • During a carnival, men put masks over their masks.

  • one day I will wake up, and it will all fit together.

  • One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket.

  • Soul-winning and missions is the life blood of the church.

  • of course life is hard, that's why they pay you the big bucks.

  • Presence is more than just being there. If your absence doesn't make any difference, your presence won't either.

  • after the rain comes a rainbow.

  • Let nature take its course and hope it passes.

  • it's time to fold.

  • Hurry dog eats raw meat.

  • He ran over me like a speed bump.

  • get a kick (out of something).

  • a walk is as good as a hit (baseball).

  • everything is vanity.

  • Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

  • After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

  • To do is to be -- Marx. Do be do be do -- Sinatra.

  • Failure comes in two ways: Those who do it without giving a thought. Those who thought about it but do nothing.

  • The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week.

  • Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried.

  • A very pretty box with a bow but nothing inside.

  • How much can can a cannibal nibble, if a cannibal can nibble can?

  • Walk the words you talk and talk the words you walk.

  • Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

  • A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.

  • I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.

  • Money talks bull shit walks.

  • a penny saved is a penny saved.

  • Measure twice. Cut once.

  • I've seen better looking legs on a table.

  • I always complained because my work was being interupted - until I realised the interuptions were my work.

  • beauty's only skin deep; ugly goes through to the bone.

  • Are you showing your Blond?

  • A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think they are the only one who can save the ship.

  • By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

  • Beat me with the truth, don't torture me with lies.

  • Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

  • Quotations are sometimes valuable pearls, but original thoughts can be priceless treasure.

  • I believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was.

  • Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one!

  • When they were giving out heads, you thought they said breads, and you said "I'd like mine nice and doughy"

  • Clones are people two.

  • People with true character show it when nobody else is present.

  • Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim.

  • don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

  • If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

  • Lily ladles little Letty's lentil soup.

  • True love can not be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it does.

  • Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

  • this too, shall pass.

  • Friendship is a golden chain, the links are friends so dear, and like a rare and precious jewel It's treasured more each year.

  • What passes as a woman's intuition, is usually nothing more than a mans transparency.

  • The boss is always right, even when he's wrong.

  • I see Isis's icy eyes.

  • I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it.

  • Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.

  • shooter's eye (basketball cliche).

  • when a boat goes aground, mother nature has spoken.

  • They both, though, have thirty-three thick thimbles to thaw.

  • The burdens of the world on my back lightens the world not one whit, while removing them greatly decreases my specific gravity.

  • Who washed Washington's white woolen underwear

  • Keep something in reserve for emergencies

  • Two things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him.

  • Run it up the flagpole and see who slautes it.

  • bread and butter play (football cliche).

  • The wrd of God will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Word of God.

  • The first time we kissed, I closed my eyes, You closed your eyes and........ We missed!

  • A lusty lady loved a lawyer and longed to lure him from his laboratory.

  • A bloke's back bike brake block broke.

  • Who gossips to you will gossip of you.

  • Can't never did anything but fail.

  • The only thing worse than an ignorant man is an ignorant man with a bible.

  • Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.

  • Ape Cakes, Grape Cakes.

  • Use what talents you possess; The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.

  • Serve Locally - Pray Globally.

  • Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito.

  • Our toaster works on either AC or DC, but not on bread. It has two settings: too soon or too late.

  • collect a bundle of.........

  • Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to change others.

  • If you can't beat them, join them.

  • Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence.

  • A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

  • Preshrunk shirts.

  • Everyone's work is equally important

  • Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.

  • Suzie Seaword's fish-sauce shop sells unsifted thistles for thistle-sifters to sift.

  • as lucky as a man in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons.

  • In communism, man oppresses man. In capitalism, it's the other way around.

  • Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

  • The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

  • Busier than a three tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

  • Vincent vowed vengeance very vehemently.

  • Rules without relationship equals rebellion.

  • We're real rear wheels.

  • A name means a lot just by itself

  • How many berries could a bare berry carry,

  • The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver.

  • Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.

  • A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

  • Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.

  • Anyone can make a mountain out of a molehill by throwing on more dirt.

  • Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

  • If you don't want your children to hear what you're saying, pretend you're speaking directly to them.

  • Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been but also where you're going.

  • A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life.

  • been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

  • he's an animal, throw him some raw meat.

  • Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

  • The ship is safer in the harbour, but it is not meant for that.

  • who died and made you boss?

  • Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? "Toe goes in first".

  • When no one is watching, live as if someone is.

  • Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays, it insists on it.

  • Handicapped is not helpless.

  • Plymouth sleuths thwart Luther's slithering.

  • The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.

  • Better untaught than ill-taught.

  • Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  • A sincere effort is all you can ask

  • we're going backwards and forwards,backwards and forwards and ain't getting no eggs, nohow.

  • God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruit of the Spirit" over "religious nuts!".

  • Stupidity is NOT a handicap! PARK ELSEWHERE!

  • Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.

  • College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and submission to his wife.

  • Let me give so much time to the improvement of myself that I shall have no time to criticize others.

  • Busier than a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes.

  • Dig yourself out of a hole.

  • He who pays the piper calls the tune.

  • People are like tea bags - You have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are!

  • Tim, the thin twin tinsmith

  • A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

  • What do you mean overdrawn, I still have checks.

  • it's always the quiet ones.

  • If you want something done, ask someone who is busy!

  • Sometimes it costs more to do nothing than to do something.

  • Do you have peanutbutter in your ears?

  • History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power. Memory is the same thing on an individual scale.

  • c'est la vie.

  • Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

  • Save Gas, Eat Beans!

  • waiting always lasts long.

  • Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

  • It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it on the cost of living.

  • I could drown in a frown and swim in a smile.

  • It is impossible to overestimate the immense need that humans have to be listened to, understood, and taken seriously.

  • The secret of true greatness is simplicity.

  • It is frequently more economical to be inefficient.

  • La verité est toujours l'idée de tout le monde.

  • I remain just one thing, and one thing only -- and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.

  • Five fat friars frying flat fish.

  • We only grow when we step outside our comfort zone.

  • Observation: When you are over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.

  • Thank the other three brothers of their father's mother's brother's side.

  • You can't do anything, if you believe you can't.

  • Politics makes strange bed fellows.

  • it has to get worse, before it gets better.

  • My name is mud.

  • Love is not paid back only passed on.

  • Proverbs contain within one or two lines the lessons of lifetime.

  • Whoever acquires knowledge and does not practice it resembles him who ploughs his land and leaves it unsown.

  • Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives.

  • I will survive.

  • Inchworms itching.

  • Feed you faith and your doubts will starve to death!

  • You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

  • Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again

  • The noblest revenge is to forgive.

  • Early to bed and early to rise makes a man health, wealthy and wise.

  • A man is his own island.

  • A perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.

  • Those who jump to conclusions often land in ignorance.

  • It was swept under the carpet.

  • Habit is a cable; we spin a thread of it every day and at last we can not break it.

  • weed (marijauna).

  • more confused than a woodpecker in a concrete forest.

  • Triumph is "umph" added to try.

  • It is not a war on drugs; it's a war on people.

  • Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.

  • There is only on thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience.

  • You can't get there from here.

  • Sign on a church bulletin board: You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out.

  • behind the clouds, the sun is shining.

  • You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.

  • Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind.

  • Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.

  • Live for Jesus now and spend the rest of eternity in the non-smoking section.

  • He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

  • He has lots of fortitude. He'll stand for nearly anything, but a woman on a train.

  • good old (ole) boy.

  • He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes....

  • Attention span measured in micro seconds.

  • The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.

  • Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities.

  • Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

  • Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.

  • nothing ventured, nothing lost (or gained).

  • there are ears in the corn field.

  • The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.

  • obtained a black eye over something(meaning a loss of reputation or respect).

  • Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavour, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier to swallow.

  • Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.

  • The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy".

  • When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress.

  • Confucius Say: Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

  • Alimony is having an ex-husband you can bank on.

  • The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

  • Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

  • Shared suffering brings people together faster than anything else does.

  • Sometimes it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

  • A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.

  • No horse goes as fast as the money you bet on him.

  • I don't know how to break this to you but....

  • What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.

  • Kinky kite kits.

  • Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.

  • Lets Chew the fat.

  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

  • A person is getting along the road to wisdom when they begin to realize that their opinion is just another opinion.

  • such is life, and it's getting sucher and sucher.

  • It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.

  • One good thing about forgetting is that you can no longer worry about what ever it was you forgot.

  • There is no "I" in team, but there is a "ME".

  • When God allows a burden to be put upon you, He will put His arms underneath you to help you carry it.

  • I would if I could.

  • Better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot ( reference to being better than something potentially worse).

  • Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength.

  • No need to light a night light on a light night like tonight.

  • The difference between men and boys .... .... is the price of their toys.

  • How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

  • Because you are someone special I send jou my love today For you are verry wonderful In each and every way.

  • Don't do as I do, do as I say.

  • Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

  • one lost, ten found.

  • Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

  • Statistics is like a Bikini; what is revealed is suggestive, but what is concealed is vital.

  • time will tell.

  • i say jump, you say, how high?

  • If you step in a puddle, don't blame the puddle.

  • Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  • never up, never in.

  • Excuse For Not Having Math Homework: I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.

  • Availability is better than ability for God.

  • You will come across hope and despair in almost every situation. Only one of them wins each time.

  • Knock me over with a feather!

  • always look at the bright side of life.

  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

  • Categorizing fear is calming

  • Such a shapeless sash!

  • Precious is the parrot who is trained by a clean tongue.

  • There goes one tough top cop!

  • The woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left.

  • Some persons don't know the difference between thinking for yourself, and thinking of yourself.

  • Ripe white wheat reapers reap ripe white wheat right.

  • feed a cold, starve a fever.

  • My dog is very obedient, he does what he is bid. A sign said 'wet paint', and that's just what he did.

  • Art is work, to sell it is art.

  • You can put glitter on shit but it still stinks!!

  • He threw three balls.

  • Boredom makes you do crazy things

  • I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

  • Larry Hurley, a burly squirrel hurler, hurled a furry squirrel through a curly grill.

  • Can't find his/her way out of a paper bag.

  • People pledging plenty of pennies.

  • Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.

  • don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon.

  • if at first you don't succeed, try try again.

  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

  • If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

  • Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger.

  • Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener.

  • every Tom, Dick and Harry.

  • Eddie edited it.

  • Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars.

  • The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis.

  • just between you, me, and the fence post.

  • A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions.

  • You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

  • I never went to bed with an ugly woman; woke up with a few.

  • Attitude must be an art because it draws, and not a science because it can't be measured.

  • My "check engine" light came on the other day. I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is STILL there! Silly light . . .

  • I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.

  • Be careful or you'll poke your eye out!

  • lock, stock and barrel.

  • Freedom is doing what you know is right without fear.

  • Six sick sheep.

  • What a shame such a shapely sash should such shabby stitches show.

  • You got your brain very early. Apparently the warranty has run out.

  • haraka haraka haina baraka (Swahili: in hurry, hurry there is no blessing).

  • True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like autumn leaves, scattered everywhere.

  • What is this, a tea party?

  • People do not care how much you know, till they know how much you care!

  • A rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.

  • Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager

  • As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

  • By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

  • To love for the sake of being loved is human; to love for the sake of loving is angelic.

  • People in power need the power of prayer.

  • I slept like a baby, I woke up and cried every two hours.

  • Indian build small fire stand real close, White man build BIG fire stand way back....

  • Two Truckee truckers truculently truckling

  • If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace...you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

  • The lights are on but no one's home.

  • Being happy is more important than anything else

  • History is a set of lies agreed upon by the victors.

  • A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

  • The next time you'll meet anyone like him, it will have to be In a Nightmare.

  • An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.

  • If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.

  • The epitome of femininity.

  • Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free ?

  • abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

  • Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

  • A strong sense of duty can imprison you

  • I wish you were a fish in my dish

  • A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything.

  • There is more meat on a chicken's forehead!

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